He's the One That I Want
by KTT2123
Summary: Reid has a secret, and it is eating him up inside. Morgan won't stop until he finds out what Reid's hiding. What happens when Morgan finally finds out his secret? Better than this crappy summary implies, I swear! Slash! Don't like don't read, I'm not forcing you! No flames, please.
1. Spencer's Blow-Up

This is my first ever posted fanfic! This started as a oneshot and quickly got out of hand. I seriously have no idea how I went from a couple thousand words to thirty thousand. Seriously, does anyone else have this problem? Not beta'd. Don't own Criminal Minds, I'm just getting a little slashy with the characters like a proper fangirl! Please read and review!

A special thanks from Giovanna from AO3 for reading this and encouraging me to post.

Character's thoughts are in italics and surrounded by asterisks.

* * *

Something is wrong with Spencer Reid and they all can see it. The usually passive, if fidgety agent is snapping at everyone. While he can be easily ruffled, it is incredibly rare for the genius to respond with genuine anger. Yet, despite his obvious closed off manner and unheard of hair-trigger temper, Spencer claims he is 'fine' whenever asked. He is not fine. He knows it and so do they. It doesn't take a profiler to figure out _something_ is going on, something significant enough to affect Reid in such a profound and obvious way.

The most telling of all is that Derek Morgan, his best friend, is unable to coax the genius into spilling what is wrong. Reid stubbornly resists all attempts by Derek to charm him out of the mood, not even reacting to the older agent's teasing. Over the years the darker man has become quite adept at charming Spencer out of moods and into doing things he normally wouldn't.

The most obvious of this is physical contact, over time Spencer has become comfortable with Derek touching him. He's the only one whose touch he allows, which the older agent takes full advantage of even if he doesn't consciously realize it. Derek is the only one that Spencer doesn't react to, the only one he doesn't squirm uncomfortably to get away from. His teammates may feel like family to him but even after so many years together, the genius is still not entirely comfortable with any of them but Morgan touching him.

Reid's recent immunity to Derek's charms is starkly noticeable and the BAU team is quite baffled. If _he_ can't get him to talk, what hope do any of them have? In all the years they have worked together, none of them have ever seen Reid act this way. Not even when he was hiding his addiction was he this_ angry_…this_ defensive_…this_ secretive_. And that makes them all very worried. Something of significance is going on with Spencer and none of the profilers have a clue to what it is.

Derek tries yet again to get Reid to open up to him. "Pretty Boy, what's going on in that big ol' head of yours?"

Spencer ignores him, remaining silent with a stubborn but adorable pout firmly upon his face.

"You are working with a bunch of profilers, boy genius, how long do you think you'll be able to hide whatever it is that is going on?" Derek can see that Spencer is suffering and he will do anything, even break his vow not to profile him, to help him.

Again, he is quiet, not reacting at all to Morgan's attempts to cajole him beyond his cute pouting expression. All Spencer would have to do is add his sad doe eyes and the world would fall at his feet, they are a lethal combination that no one, not even big, bad Aaron Hotchner can refuse.

What the team doesn't know is that Reid has been successfully hiding this secret from them for a very long time, for_ years_. A lot longer than any of them could imagine or would even believe. Despite promises to not profile each other, it can be difficult for them all to shut that down at work. Secrets simply don't stay secrets for long at the BAU. For Spencer to have successfully kept his secret for so long is nothing short of a miracle. The genius has always known that eventually his secret would come out, despite the great lengths he has gone to in order to hide it.

It is only recently that cracks have begun to form in his façade; the one that the team miraculously didn't even know existed. His inner turmoil is starting to bleed out after so much time hidden. Over the last year the weight of the secret has been steadily, slowly eating him inside. And the team is finally beginning to see it. Spencer can't keep pretending forever. Eventually he'll break and the team will discover his secret. He knows it but it is the last thing he wants. It is why Spencer is so tightly wound. He is at the edge of a cliff, hanging on by only his fingernails. The fall he knows is coming is swiftly approaching and Reid doesn't know how to stop it. He has no idea how to prevent the fall or how to stop himself from breaking.

"One of us will eventually convince you to spill it. Come on, Reid! Make it easy on yourself, just tell me," Derek coaxes.

Once again, Morgan is met only with silence.

"Come on, kid! Talk to me!" he growls vehemently.

Over the last month, the pair has gone through this routine over and over: Morgan prodding and Reid responding with stubborn silence. But it is finally too much and Spencer snaps, "Leave it alone, Morgan. Just…LEAVE…ME…THE…FUCK…ALONE!" He is falling off that cliff and now nothing can stop the inevitable freefall.

Derek and the rest of the team gape at Reid in shock. None of them have ever heard him curse before or seen him explode with such intense anger and definitely never at his best friend. Spencer is the only one on the team that has kept a pure air about him, despite all he's seen and experienced. The Reid they know has a child-like innocence that the world's darkness never seems to touch. Not even being kidnapped, tortured, and being forcibly addicted to drugs has touched his inherent innocence. The purity of his soul has never been touched by the darkness he has encountered. The lack of vulgarity in his language is just another aspect of his innocence. Fuck shouldn't be in his vocabulary and neither should he be capable of exploding with such fury. Spencer has a very long fuse. To hear him, to _see _him blow up at Morgan is dumbfounding.

"Reid! My office, now!" Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner immediately orders the young agent into his office.

Spencer follows his boss into his office. His eyes stare straight ahead, ignoring his team members gaping at him. Aaron sits on the corner of his desk, watching as his subordinate slumps in the chair in front of him.

"Are you going to tell me what that was, Reid?" Hotch asks.

The genius remains sullenly unresponsive. But Aaron continues to wordlessly fix his unblinking gaze on him. Both the quiet and the scrutiny are unsettling. Knowing his boss's infinite patience, Spencer soon feels compelled to answer. "I'm fine," he replies, the lie pathetic with absolutely no chance of actually fooling the veteran profiler. Reid is tired and cannot keep up his façade any longer. The years of lying and hiding have at last caught up with him. He has no more strength to fool his fellow profilers. Spencer knows losing his temper has decisively confirmed to his team that something is seriously wrong with him. His secret is going to come out and he doesn't know how to stop it.

Aaron is not nearly foolish enough to believe the blatant lie. "You don't truly expect me to believe that, do you? You are clearly _not_ fine, Reid. What just happened out there confirmed it. You not only lost your temper but you shouted and _swore_ at Morgan. You don't shout and you _never_ swear. Do you seriously believe we all can't see something is going on with you?" Hotch's gaze softens slightly as he inquires, "Are your migraines back?"

"No," he answers immediately.

"Having more nightmares? "

"No more than usual," Reid answers dispassionately. He wishes his problem is as simple as migraines or nightmares. Yes, he has been haunted by dreams but not nightmares. It would be so much easier to deal with if it was simply nightmares of their cases, of the people they couldn't save.

"Are you using again?"

"No!"

"Are you tempted to?"

"I will always be tempted but I have not wavered from my sobriety. I cannot afford to. Escaping into drug abuse isn't going to help me. It would only make things worse. I know that. I haven't stopped going to my meetings." For a while this secret had made he truly struggle with temptation again. It had been very hard to resist. Spencer had wanted so much to forget that he craved dilaudid with every fiber in his being. His NA meetings, his sponsor, and his best friend outside of work had been his lifeline during those days. Morgan had helped some too even if he hadn't been aware of it, although not as much as when Spencer first got clean. But he fought through and continued to stay clean. _*I'd lose myself forever if I fell back into drug abuse. I know that. And I don't know if I'd have the strength or will to climb back out of that hole. Not when I would feel a brief respite from the hopelessness I feel. Not when I wouldn't be able to allow myself to lean on Morgan for support this time.*_ One slipup and Reid knows that he'll never escape his drug abuse again. He knows himself enough to realize this. He cannot hide from this truth by lying to himself. So despite any temptation, he has to resist. There is no other choice.

Hotch can see that Spencer is telling the truth. "Then, what's wrong?"

"I…I can't tell you, it's personal," the genius proclaims, pouting.

"You _have_ to tell someone, Reid."

"It's no one's business but mine," he shoots back defiantly.

"_Wrong_. This is affecting the team. If you are being this unprofessional here, how are you going to react on a case? Something has to be done. You need to talk to someone!"

Reid slumps.

"We all care about you. Spencer, let us help you, let _me_ help you! Name it and I'll do it."

"There's nothing you can do. Not unless you okay a transfer."

"Wait—what? You're thinking of transferring to another team?" The unflappable BAU boss is visibly stunned, his voice colored with absolute disbelief and concern.

Reid's head jerks up, clearly surprised that he had said that out loud. Sighing deeply, he admits reluctantly "Maybe…"

"Reid, you have to talk to someone. Whatever _this_ is, it is serious. If I hadn't just heard you say it, I would never have believed that _you_ of all people would ever considering leaving the team. I can't let you do this alone; you have to talk to one of us. If you won't talk to me, what about Morgan?"

"NO!"

"JJ then?"

Miserably, Spencer mutters "Fine."

"I'll send her in, so you will have privacy." Walking past the other concerned team members, Hotch motions Jennifer Jareau away from the other profilers. He quickly murmurs, "Reid needs to talk to you. Something is seriously wrong. He let it slip that he's considering transferring out of the BAU. He won't talk to me, and adamantly refuses to talk to Morgan. But he's willing to talk to you. Find out what's going on…and what we can do to help him."

JJ is noticeably staggered that whatever is going on with Reid has made him feel desperate enough to even contemplate leaving the team. The blonde knows, as they all do, how important the BAU team is to Reid, it's the family he never had. The first people, outside his mother, that love and accept him just as he is.

She quickly enters Hotch's office, her face pinched with concern. Everyone's eyes are glued to the windows of the office, solemnly watching JJ and Reid. They know from the worry on both Aaron's and JJ's face that a serious, perhaps life changing talk is about to happen. Seeing the stares of the other profilers, she closes the blinds. "Spence, what's wrong?"

His head in his hands, "I don't want to talk about it." Reid truly doesn't. He would rather not have to admit the truth out loud to one of his chosen family. At long last, he will have to confront the truth face to face and all that it means in his life. _*Why does life have to be so hard?*_

She answers firmly but with gentleness, "You told Hotch you would talk to me. You have to tell someone. I promise I won't tell anyone, not unless you want me to."

"Promise?" Reid asks, searching JJ's expression.

"Yes, I promise." This is not given lightly. Jennifer will bring whatever he says to her grave.

Feeling assured that JJ will keep her word, Reid blurts, "I'm in love." There he said it, finally.

"What?" The woman is utterly confused. "Why are you so upset then?"

"I'm in love with someone who will never love me back. Someone I can never have," Spencer's voice sounds utterly despondent.

"Why would they never love you back? Why can't you have them? Is the person married, in a relationship?"

"No, nothing like that."

"It's someone on the team, isn't it Spence?" It has to be for him to consider leaving his family.

"Yes," Reid answers, unsurprised that JJ has figured that out.

"Is it Emily?"

"No."

"Penelope?" JJ asks uncertainly. There isn't a more unlikely pair.

"No." A light shudder runs through him. As much as he loves Garcia, the idea of being involved romantically with her is frankly terrifying. She would eat him alive.

"Who, then?" There are no other women, besides her. But she is quite certain that it isn't her he is in loved with. This secret is quite the revelation, as apparently Spencer is not only in love with someone on the team, that someone is a _man_. JJ has no problem with him being gay. Her only concern is that as far as she knows none of the BAU men are gay or bisexual. Although knowing David Rossi, she wouldn't be too surprised if he has been with a man a time or two. Rossi is the least likely of anyone on the BAU team for the genius to be in love with. He is a paternal figure in Spencer's eyes. Jennifer isn't sure which option would be more hopeless, Hotch or Morgan.

Taking a deep breath, Reid looks miserable as he reveals, "It's…Morgan. " Despite his depression at the hopeless situation, a small weight comes off his chest in finally being able to share his secret with JJ. To have someone from the team understand _why_ he is so troubled, _why_ he won't open up to Derek, _why_ he so secretive and closed off, _why _he has been hiding this secret from them all.

JJ understands it instantly. Morgan is the epitome of a ladies' man. Women love him and he loves women. One of his patented lady-killer grins and women fall at his feet. To add insult to injury, he was also sexually abused as a child by a man, a trauma she isn't sure Morgan has ever truly dealt with. As if that wasn't enough, Derek is Spencer's best friend. He could lose his love and his best friend in one swoop. Jennifer can see why her friend is so troubled by his feelings. *_Spence is gay **and** in love with Morgan, no wonder he is so upset. Poor Spence.*_ "He doesn't know?"

"No."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Why do you think? It's Morgan! He's the straightest guy I know. What if he is disgusted by my…love. What if he reacts badly? What if hates me?"

JJ's face softens, "Spence, Morgan is not like that. He has never shown an ounce of prejudice toward homosexuals. And he would never physically hurt you. He loves you, you are his best friend. He could never hate you." She cannot believe that Morgan could ever hate Reid.

"Yeah but this isn't like some random guy coming up to him in a club. This is different. This is _me_. _Me_! Telling Morgan that I'm in _love_ with him, it will ruin our friendship," Reid vows. Friendship is better than nothing in his eyes.

"But isn't that already happening? Spence, you flipped out on him today! He only wants to find out what is wrong. He wants to help you! Morgan is your best friend and you refuse to talk to him. He's driving himself crazy trying to get you to simply _talk_ to him. Can't you see that Morgan is hurt that you won't confide in him?"

"I just can't do it. Seeing disgust or pity in his eyes if I told him would break me. What if he hates me? I…c-can't—" he sobs, quiet tears escaping his soulful brown eyes.

"Oh Spence!" JJ wraps her arms around his thin shoulders. The blonde feels her heart squeeze in sympathy. "You shouldn't think that way. You don't know that's how he will react. You're making assumptions, Spence. You have to be smarter than that, you _are _smarter than that. He's your friend, your best friend; he would never intentionally hurt you. Give Morgan some credit, he won't punch you or hate you for your feelings. He might be shocked, maybe even a little uncomfortable. But Morgan loves you. Maybe just as a friend but maybe he could love you as you love him. At least give yourself a chance at happiness, Spencer," she adds quietly.

"I've known him for eight years. I'm a profiler, Jayje. I know how he will react and it won't be good, especially considering what Carl Buford did to him. There's a ninety-five percent chance he'll react badly."

"Carl Buford doesn't have anything to do with your feelings for Morgan," JJ injects.

Reid merely eyes her, "How can you be that naïve? After all we've seen? Morgan never got counseling, never talked to me or anyone about what that man did to him. Hell his family didn't even know about it until he was arrested! Morgan doesn't deal with his issues. He just buries them under his charming, easy-going façade. You know that, I know, hell everyone knows it! Anger is the only outlet he allows himself. If he hadn't gotten arrested, if we hadn't dug into his life to find the real killer, would we have ever known? Would he have told any of us? Probably not. Because that's what he _does_;he buries his problems, so he can pretend he's perfectly fine. And someone revealing homosexual feelings for him, someone he trusts, is close to, is going to be hard to hide from. It is probably just going to provoke bad memories, memories he's ashamed of, memories he hides from even all these years later!"

"But you're not just somebody! You're his best friend. It's not the same. Spence, I think you should tell him. He deserves to know. What if he feels the same? You two have always had a special relationship. Give him a chance! You can't keep this inside forever…"

"I am his best friend, and he's mine, that is what makes this so hard. I…I just _can't_. The people I love always _leave_! What if he leaves me, too? I—I don't think I could survive him rejecting me, _him hating me_. I've been rejected so many times, Jayje. Being rejected by the only person I have ever loved, by _Derek_, is something I don't know if I can survive. Worse, I can't face him pretending that nothing has changed. I cannot bear it. Telling Derek that I love him and watching him bury it, like my feelings don't matter, like they are nothing, _mean nothing_. I cannot face it if my feelings are just another problem for him to bury. That I am _nothing_," Reid avows.

"Spence, he wouldn't—" But she stops when Reid meets her gaze. Those expressive caramel doe eyes reflect the vast depth of anguish and pain he is feeling. He can't see past his pain and nothing she can say will change that until he is ready.

"How…how long have you felt this way? How long have you been hiding this?"

"Since when have I been attracted to him or when did I know I was in love with him?"

"Both."

"Since pretty much the moment I met him, I've been attracted to him. He's gorgeous and he knows it. At first it was just physical. But working with him, I found I liked him for much more than just his looks. Shameless flirt or not, I discovered that Derek is a good man. It took a lot longer for me to realize what I was feeling for him was love. But I have known I was in love with Derek for four years, nine months, twenty-three days…" Spencer checks his watch "twelve hours, thirty-seven minutes, and ten seconds."

"Oh, Spence." Jennifer hearts squeezes in her chest. "You've been keeping this secret for that long!" JJ is shocked that Spencer had been hiding his love for such a long time. That none of them _saw _it.

"Yes," he answers matter-of-factly. He has had a lot of time to deal with accepting his secret. Because no matter how much he tried, Spencer has never been able to get over Derek. Dating other people had made that clear very quickly. No one can compare to Derek in his eyes or in his heart. It is why he hasn't been on a single date in two years! Every date had ended in disappointment. Reid has the sinking feeling that no one will ever compare to Derek, despite the hopelessness of his unrequited love. He expects to be miserable for the rest of his life, alone and unloved. Simply because his heart chose someone he can never have, because his heart refuses to let that love go. Spencer will never stop loving Derek, a man he is sure will never love him back.

_*Oh, God! How did I not see it? How didn't I see his pain? He has been hiding this secret for so long, all alone without anyone to talk to about it.* _The blonde feels a deep, painful anguish burst in her chest, her friend has been hiding his love for almost five years. Spencer, her sweet, brilliant Spence, knows down to the second when he realized his love yet he has never said a word to Derek or her or to _any _of them. She feels such pain that he felt he had to keep it locked up inside of him. Her blue eyes sparkle with unshed tears, realizing how alone Reid must have felt these past few years. Because _he _deserves to know love and to _be_ loved more than any of them.

How hard it must have been. Seeing Morgan almost every day, seeing his family, his friends and having to pretend that nothing had changed, having to hide his feelings, just having to hide such an important part of himself from all of them. The stress and strain it must be for Spencer to hide this from a group of profilers who see more than most, from Derek who reads him better than any of them. To always be on guard, to make sure he doesn't give anything away. What torture it must have been to be near Derek and always having to pretend. JJ knows that Reid feels very deeply and his social awkwardness and trust issues make it hard for him to express his feelings. His walls protect him from harm but they keep him separated from others as well. They keep away happiness, along with sorrow.

She wishes she could hug him and make it all better. JJ wishes she could just tell Morgan and that he would love Reid back. But she can't, there is no easy fix for this problem. She is not sure if Derek is brave enough to take a chance at love, even with Spencer. He has never shown any inclination that he would be willing to risk his heart. There is nothing she can do but support Reid. She can only hope that he isn't crushed in the process. JJ is scared that this will destroy him, whether it is from the weight of the secret or more likely from Morgan finding out and not feeling the same. Spence has suffered and survived a lot but Jennifer is terrified that he has finally met a challenge he doesn't have the strength to endure.

Reid can see the guilt in her eyes. "It's not your fault, Jayje. Don't blame yourself."

"How can I not? I thought we were close, Spence. You are like my brother! You've been suffering in silence for well over four years! Having to see Morgan every day for near five years and pretend that nothing has changed. How can I _not_ feel guilty that you felt you couldn't share your feelings with me? Did you think I would judge you? That I would hate you for being gay or having feelings for Morgan? I _love_ you, I could never hate you! _Why_ Spencer, why couldn't you tell me?" Her brilliant blue eyes swim watery with tears. The mere thought that he couldn't trust her with this breaks her heart.

"No! I didn't think that. Jayje, please don't cry…" Spencer pleads as he awkwardly pats her back. "I just—it's my fault. Don't blame yourself. I know I could have told you, trusted you with this. You of all people, I knew I could trust with this secret but if I told you, I wouldn't have been able to hide it from the team for so long. At work, I try to forget it, to put my feelings in a box and lock it tight until I am away from here, away from the team, away from _Derek. _Telling you would have made it that much more real. It would have made me acknowledge my feelings. Seeing you every day and knowing that you _know _I couldn't have ignored what I feel. It would have made it impossible to deny my feelings, impossible to face Morgan every day and act like everything was normal. Or at least as normal as I can be," Reid mutters, while shifting his body awkwardly.

"What are you going to do? You've been pretending for so long, you can't go on like this forever," the blonde softly points out. She knows he knows that too, his behavior the last few months has made that unmistakably obvious.

"I know. I am…I am going to take a few days off. This is the end, one way or another. I can't hide it much longer and I will have to decide what to do next."

"You're seriously considering leaving, aren't you?"

Reid answers honestly, "Yes. If I can't…deal with seeing him every day, I'll have to leave. It has gotten…harder over the last year; much harder to pretend. I have tried for so long to get over him, I did Jayje!" And he had, desperately. It hadn't worked, not even a little. Resigned, Spencer continues, "But it seems that in my heart no one measures up to Derek. And seeing him every day, I see all the reasons why I love him. Maybe leaving could g-give me a chance to—to finally get over him. This team is my family, the only one I've really ever had. I just—I don't know how I can keep living my life pretending nothing is wrong or that I'm not crushed every time Morgan has another one night stand." Spencer hangs his head, looking very unhappy and hopeless. Silent tears run down his face, as he realizes his unrequited love is going to change everything. Recognizes that he could lose his best friend, _his love, _no matter what he decides to do. And he has no idea how to stop it, how to keep it from ruining everything good in his life.

JJ hugs the lanky man tightly, "I love you, Spencer Reid. And I always will, no matter what happens, no matter what you decide. You know that don't you?"

"I—I know Jayje. I…uh…love you, too. Even if I leave, I'll still come see you and Will and Henry. I promise."

The two pause, wondering how that will go. If Spencer leaves, they both know Morgan will not stop until he finds him again. He won't stop until he knows why Reid left. Derek is relentless when he is focused on a goal. There is no way for Spencer to stay hidden unless he goes completely off the grid and a person with a mind as brilliant as his is hard to hide. Especially since Derek will enlist Penelope's help. One way or another Morgan _will _find out the truth. Either Spencer will voluntarily tell him or Derek will force it out of him. They both consider how they will see each other when the inevitable happens and Derek finds out. They wonder how they will see each other without the others knowing, without _Derek_ knowing. They imagine secretive visits between Spencer, JJ and her family, in an attempt to try to protect Reid from seeing Morgan.

JJ realizes that Spencer's unrequited love is likely going to shatter the team. As team members have come and gone, through it all Reid, Morgan, Hotch, and Garcia have remained constant. The core of the team has stayed intact, even when others left. JJ has a feeling that if Spencer leaves, they'll never be the same. She doesn't know how they will _function_ without him. No one could possibly fill the hole created by his absence.

"You better. Henry would be lost without you," JJ replies, trying to shake off her sadness, despair, and fear.

"I would never do that to him. I would never abandon Henry," Reid responds vehemently.

JJ knows his own abandonment issues would never allow him to cut ties with Henry regardless of the risk or consequences. Spencer would walk through fire before hurting Henry the way he himself had been hurt. If Morgan reacts badly when he finds out, Reid will readily risk having to face him again just to ensure Henry never ever feels abandoned. JJ replies softly, "I know, Spence. I know." She hugs him on last time, vowing "I love you, Spencer Reid. You are not alone. You don't have to be alone anymore."

Reid gives her a small, grateful smile. He is glad to have the person he is closest to on the team, besides Derek, know his secret and does not judge him for it. He's relieved to have her support and love.

The blonde pauses before touching his arm "Should I send in Hotch, so you can tell him you need some time off?"

"Yeah." As she leaves, Reid quickly wipes the tears from his face.

JJ comes out of the office, only to be surrounded by the rest of the team. While she was with Spencer, Hotch informed the rest that Reid hinted at wanting a transfer. He also told them that as far as he could tell it isn't migraines, nightmares, or his addiction that is causing his distress. The room is filled with concerned faces, as each of them care deeply for their youngest member. To them Spencer is so much: a brother, a son, a friend. They pepper the blonde with questions: Did he talk? What did he say? What's wrong with Reid? Is he alright? What's going on? Is he going to transfer? What can we do to help him?

Finally, getting the group to quiet, JJ explains, "I can't tell you. I promised him I wouldn't. You will get nothing from me." With a hard eye, she continues "You all _know_ he has serious trust issues, do not make me betray his trust. _Please_, let him deal with this his own way."

Everyone is very somber. They all can see the tears in her eyes, the desperate fear and concern in her voice that she cannot hide. It is apparent that Reid told her and whatever it is that he told her is very serious, life-changing even. JJ is _scared _and that scares them. They could lose Reid. By the blonde's reaction, they can see he was being serious when he told Hotchner that he is honestly considering leaving the team. Everyone wants to know, wants to help but they don't push it. They all are more than aware what Reid's father and Gideon's desertion had done to the genius. None of them would even think of getting JJ to betray Reid's trust, no matter how much they want to know. A betrayal of trust would only send Spencer running, and they could lose him forever. It is a risk none of them are willing to take.

"Hotch, Spence is ready to speak to you now."

Aaron tries to read the blonde's expression for clues but comes up empty. Her pained expression makes him feel scared, not a feeling he enjoys. Solemnly, he strides to his office. The slight slump of his shoulders, starkly different from his normal tension-filled rigidity, is telling of how afraid he truly is. Hotchner's face is even more grave than usual and his distress is apparent. He assesses the young genius. The defiance from before is gone. His shoulders are slumped, as if he already has given up. As if there is no fight left in him, no hope to win whatever war he is fighting. His posture screaming the utter despair and hopelessness he is feeling. Hotch can see that Spencer's eyes are slightly red from crying.

Hotch's heart aches. His friend, a man he sees as his slightly odd but much loved younger brother, is in such pain and there is nothing he can do. He feels utterly helpless, much like when he was young and could not protect Sean and his mother from his drunken, abusive father. The older agent curls his hands into tight fists to stop himself from reaching out to the other man. He wants to embrace Reid, as he would Jack, to hold him and vow everything will be okay. But he can't. Aaron doesn't even know what is going on and it would be foolish to give Reid a platitude. Spencer would be offended at the lie, and considering both his and JJ's behavior it would most certainly be a lie. Everything is _not_ okay and he doesn't know if it ever will be. As much as he wants to, Hotch restrains himself from hugging the other man. He knows how uncomfortable Spencer can be with physical intimacy and doesn't want to make this situation any harder than it already is.

"Reid, you wanted to speak to me?" Aaron whispers gently. He keeps his voice soft, his posture non-threatening, as if speaking to a child or a vulnerable witness.

"Hotch, I n-need to take a few d-days off. I need to clear my h-head…and figure out what to d-do next," he stutters softly.

The older agent nods. "Of course. Please, let me know if there is anything I can do. _Anything at all_. And let me know what you…decide." He briefly cups the younger man's shoulder, squeezing gently, as a show of support.

With that, Spencer quietly leaves the room with a very solemn Hotch watching him go. The other agents are grouped together in the center of the bullpen. At the sound of the door opening, each of them looks up at Spencer exiting. Their eyes watch him intently, but silently. Reid, for the most part, ignores them as he gathers his things. He knows they are staring, how could he not? But he gives no reaction. Morgan, seeing that Reid is leaving breaks off from the group. As Spencer waits for the elevator, Derek stands beside him. He coaxes softly, "Pretty Boy, tell me what's wrong. Where are you going? Talk to me, please." Morgan's soft brown eyes are pleading. Entering the elevator, Reid looks briefly at the man with heartbreakingly sad eyes, those eyes that seemed to be tracing over his features like a caress before murmuring "Goodbye, Derek," as the doors close.

Morgan's heart seizes. Reid never calls him Derek, _never_. In eight years, he has never called him that. He is Morgan, not Derek, never Derek. The young genius seemed to be saying a final goodbye to him. And Morgan is terrified of that. Almost physically shaking from the fear that he'll never see Reid again, that he'll lose his best friend because of whatever it is that is eating Spencer. Derek cannot imagine a life without him, without his quirky, rambling genius who has a heart of pure gold and a soul of pure light.


	2. Derek Searches for Spencer

Hours later, Morgan is still panicked by the feeling of finality in Reid's goodbye. Upset and extremely concerned by his friend's odd behavior and his reluctance to talk to him about it, Derek needs to talk to someone about it. So, he calls his mama about the situation on his lunch break.

"Mama?"

"Derek? What's wrong, honey? You sound upset." Fran's voice is filled with worry.

"Something is wrong with Reid."

"What do you mean?"

Morgan explains worriedly, "He's been very irritable lately, snapping at everyone, he's just not himself. And he won't talk to me. He won't tell me what wrong! Reid, he screamed at me today, _swore_ at me. I've never heard him swear before. I don't think any of us have. He told Hotch that he's thinking about _transferring_! The BAU is the closest thing to a family Reid has ever had, what could possible drive him away from that?! And he's gone…just took a few days off to do I don't know what! I don't know what is going on but whatever it is, it's big. As the doors to elevator closed, he said goodbye to me, he called me Derek. Mama, Reid never calls me that, _never_, even away from work. He said goodbye like he was never going to see me again. Oh, Mama, he looked beaten down and absolutely hopeless. It broke my heart to see him so sad. Why would he look like that?"

_*Oh Spencer.* _"Has he talked to anyone about it?"

"Reid talked to Jayje today but she won't tell anyone what he said. She promised and none of us dare ask her to betray his trust. Whatever he told her, it must have been major. She looks as terrified and hopeless as he did, like she can see what is going to happen and it is something terrible but she is powerless to stop it."

"Derek, honey, you have talk to him. Don't take no for an answer."

Morgan is suddenly suspicious that his mother doesn't seem at all surprised by Reid's behavior. Fran appears concerned but not surprised, as if she was expecting it, which doesn't make any sense to him. How could his mother know what was going on and he doesn't? He sees Reid practically every day but Fran has only seen him a handful of times over the years.

"Do you know something, Mama? Do you know what's going on with Reid?"

"It's not for me to say."

"You do! You know something! How could you possible know?! You haven't seen him for months!"

She is silent. Fran does know and has for a while. She's been praying every day for Spencer and for Derek. The man loves her son, quite desperately, even hopelessly, judging from what she had seen. Fran is hoping that her baby will realize the gift he is being offered and not throw it carelessly away.

"You've known about whatever this is for that long? Since you saw him last?"

"Derek, you are not the only one in the family that notices what most miss. You are simply too close to see it, maybe all of you are. Maybe that's why you and your team didn't see it and I did."

"Why won't you tell me?"

"I told you, it is not for me to say. That's all I'll say. Talk to him, _listen_ to what he has to say." As much as she wishes she could, love is a secret Fran feels no right to reveal.

"Mama, please, _tell_ me," Derek coaxes.

"Derek James Morgan, don't you dare try to turn your charm on me. You know better."

With a sigh, he replies wearily "I'm sorry, Mama. I'll…go to his house, after work."

**CMCMCMCMCMCM**

JJ watches as Morgan leaves for the day. He has a determined look on his face, and she immediately realizes that Derek is going to try to talk to Reid. While the blonde knows the two men desperately need to talk, she's also aware that Spence isn't ready to talk yet. From her car, JJ calls Reid to warn him that Morgan is coming over.

Unsurprisingly, Reid grabs the to-go bag he packed and bolts. He had been moping and crying since he'd come home, having no idea what to do next. He could not even settle down enough to read, he is so upset!

Spencer deliberately leaves his phone and car behind. The genius goes to his friend Josh's house to stay, secure that it is unlikely he will be found there. Reid has never talked about Josh to anyone on the team, nor have any of them met him. They met years ago, having been set up on a blind date by mutual friends. He and Josh had gone out on a few dates but it had quickly become apparent there was no spark between them. They had become great friends instead. Josh knows all about his feelings for Morgan, he is the one Reid has poured his heart out to again and again. Josh has been his shoulder to cry, a steadying force in his life over the past five years when he could no longer confide in Derek.

**CMCMCMCMCMCM **

By the time Morgan arrives at Reid's apartment, the genius is long gone. Derek forcefully knocks on the door. When he doesn't get an answer for several minutes and his phone calls go unanswered, Morgan lets himself in with his key.

During Reid's struggle with addiction the two had exchanged keys. Giving the key to his apartment to Derek had given the older agent permission to check on him at any time, just as his key was an invitation for the genius to come to his home whenever he needed to. The thought of Morgan catching him shooting up had given Spencer a strong reason to resist. He is the last person Reid wanted to disappoint.

The apartment is empty. Not finding any clues to where Reid had gone, he calls Penelope. "Baby girl, can you trace Reid's phone, tell me where he is?"

"Anything for you, my sexy chocolate cupcake." Pausing briefly to trace the phone, she declares, "He's at home or at least that's where his phone is."

"Damn it. How am I going to find him now? I knew we should have put a tracking device in Reid! That man is a danger magnet, and a tracking device would be really helpful right now. Has Reid used his credit card, since he left work?" Garcia's search finds nothing that could help to locate Reid, only that he had gone to the bank to withdraw a hundred dollars. Surprisingly, his phone records reveal that he frequently talks on the phone. There are too many numbers that reoccur to give them to place to look, even within the city. Spencer has friends outside of the BAU and a number of colleagues that he speaks to regularly, especially when he's writing papers. He's also a member of several book clubs, as an avid reader he enjoys discussing literature with both academics and the average reader. Morgan realizes there isn't anything more he can do at the moment without running down every number on the surprisingly long list.

**CMCMCMCMCMCM**

In the meantime, Reid talks to JJ numerous times during his two days of hiding, using Josh's phone. It is helpful to finally be able to talk about his feelings with someone that actually knows Derek, not that Josh hasn't been helpful over the years. The years of silent pining have taken their toll. She listens as Reid tries to deal with the feelings he can no longer hide or ignore and the impact they are having on his life. She also keeps him up to date with what the team is doing. "Spence, Morgan is still trying to find you. He's got Garcia searching for you. Sooner or later, he's going to find you. The longer you wait, the harder this will be. Why don't just you talk to him?"

While Reid knows it's inevitable, he isn't ready to face him. "I can't, at least not yet."

**CMCMCMCMCMCM**

After a day and a half of no leads, Morgan finally thinks of a way to find Reid. Calling Garcia, he asks "Baby girl, can you get me JJ's phone logs?"

The quirky, currently blonde woman replies, "Of course. What should I be looking for, my delicious chocolate bar?" She heard all about what happened from Morgan. Penelope is almost as worried as Derek is. She has always had a soft spot for the genius. He is simply so adorably awkward.

Derek asks, "Is there a phone number she has been talking to yesterday and today that doesn't show up before then?"

Garcia squeals, "Ooo, you're good. I've found one number that shows up repeatedly in the past two days."

Morgan smiles for the first time since Spencer left. "That's gotta be Reid, trace it and give me the address."


	3. A Near Miss

Reid decides to take a walk to try to clear his head. He still doesn't know what he is going to do. Should he tell Morgan, should he not? Spencer knows, logically, after what happened at work that Derek _will_ find out, one way or another. He'll either have to tell him willingly or be forced to. If nothing else, the older agent is tenacious. He will have no qualms at chasing after Reid, no guilt at forcing the truth from him. A transfer will not protect him, plain and simple. Logically, _rationally, _Spencer knows that. Derek will find out where to find him and will go after him. So unless he is willing to cut all ties, even from his mother and JJ and her family, and go into hiding, Morgan will find him eventually. Derek wouldn't feel remorse for setting surveillance up for Reid's mother or JJ, in an effort to find him. Spencer also realizes that abandoning everyone simply won't work. He is way too unusual to be any good at hiding. It's hard to hide a brilliant mind like his and he knows nothing about how to behave as if his mind is like everyone else's. His many, many other eccentricities would make it difficult to hide for long. And Reid wouldn't put it past Morgan to call in every favor and start a national manhunt for him. He can just picture his face flashing on the news as a vital witness to some crime, maybe even a reward for his capture. His facial features, body type, and personal mannerisms are unique enough that it would be hard for him to blend in and escape notice. He'd have two options: take steroids or disguise himself as a woman and he is not quite desperate enough to do either yet. With a groan and a heavy sigh, Spencer realizes sooner or later, he _will _have to face him. He is not looking forward to it.

After walking aimlessly for an hour, he has made no definitive progress. His rational mind is still losing the fight against his irrational heart. Love is decidedly irrational even for a genius. With a heavy sigh, he silently trudges back to Josh's. As Spencer is getting close to his friend's apartment, he spots Morgan in the distance approaching the apartment building. Thankfully the intensely focused man has his eyes intently on the building and thus hasn't seen him. He'd never outrun Morgan if he spotted him even with a generous head start. Spencer quickly turns and leaves.

Meanwhile, Derek knocks on the door of a one Joshua Daniel MacWills, the owner of the phone that was used to talk to JJ several times over the past two days for hours on end. The door opens to reveal a short and surprisingly muscular man with slicked back blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. The man's t-shirt, holey jeans and hands are paint splattered, and he has a smear of paint across his scruffy cheek. "Joshua MacWills?"

"Yeah?" His Jersey accent is noticeable even in that one word.

"You know Reid?"

"Spencer Reid? Yes," the other man replies. He has a feeling this is the famous Derek Morgan, the BAU's resident ladies man and Reid's one true love. Josh can see why Spencer is attracted to the guy. He's a gorgeous man who exudes intensity and power, much like Josh's own love.

Cutting to the chase, Morgan demands as he tries to see into the apartment, "Where is he?"

With a little laugh at his lack of subtly, his baby blues sparkling with amusement Josh declares "Ah, you must be Morgan."

"How do you know that?" the profiler asks suspiciously.

"He talks about you…uh…and the team all the time." Josh quickly covers his slip-up, knowing he shouldn't be revealing just how much Spencer really talks about Morgan. Reid has talked to him a lot about his feelings for the other profiler. He's been tormented by his hopeless, unrequited love for his best friend and has cried on Josh's shoulder increasingly over the last year. He barely knows anything about the others on the team, since Reid rarely feels the need to talk about anyone else.

Josh hadn't really been surprised when Spencer showed up at his door two nights ago. Over the past year, he could only watch as his friend slowly started to unravel. Josh had known sooner or later he would crack. Reid is a very strong man but hiding his love for his best friend for almost five years, locking such an important part of his life from his love and his team, hiding his intense fear and insecurity, is enough to break anyone.

"He has never mentioned you," Derek says accusingly.

"I'm not surprised. He seems to like to keep his work friends and his…um…other friends separate." _*Shit! I shouldn't have said that.*_

Morgan picks up on the obvious undertones of what Reid's friend says, and questions, "What do you mean by _other_ friends?"

"Uh…" Josh really shouldn't be surprised that he doesn't get away with that. Profilers are known for seeing what other people are hiding. Spending time with Spencer has made it perfectly clear that profilers are notoriously hard to fool and quick to pick up on clues that others easily miss.

Towering over the man, Morgan demands, "What do you mean _other_ friends?"

"His…gay friends."

"Why would he need to hide gay friends?" Morgan pauses to think about that. "Wait, is Reid gay?"

"I kind of figured he didn't tell you. Spencer, he's not big on labels for sexuality, his mom's influence." Josh shrugs as if that explains it all. "She taught him that love is love. The labels: gay, straight, bisexual, whatever. Spencer tends to focus on their social impact, the messages behind the labels. The whole idea that being labeled straight makes a person normal, while homosexuality implies that the person is deviant. You know, that kind of thing. Which is why he doesn't like those terms. If you need a label to describe Reid, it's pansexual. It's not used enough by society to have a significant negative message behind it." Josh is just as much a rambler as Reid is at times.

"What? Pansexual? What the hell is that?"

"Um…I guess it's closest to being bi but much more inclusive in that it does not restrict attraction to societal classifications of gender or sex. Meaning, he wouldn't be opposed to dating a transgender person, for example. If it was Reid explaining his sexuality, he'd tell you all about the Kinsey Scale. Of course, then he'd ramble on and on about it, in his adorably brainiac way," Josh smiles at the thought. "But I'll give the gist: Spencer says he's between a four and a five on the scale. Meaning Spencer tends to lean much more toward men than women. But he has been attracted to and dated both women and men." Josh feels compelled to tell Derek about Spencer's sexuality. He can't reveal how much he loves Morgan but he can give him a little information about the parts that Spencer hides from him. Reid never told Josh _not_ to reveal his sexuality to Morgan, so he feels free to tell him.

"Why didn't he just tell _me_? Why didn't he tell us? We are his family!" Morgan is hurt that Reid doesn't trust him enough to be open to him about his sexuality.

"I've asked him that before but he's never really given me a solid answer why. In the beginning, I am sure it was because he didn't trust or know any of you well enough to reveal it. But now, I'd guess from the things he's said about you…all…that he simply lets you believe that he is…sort of asexual." This view has certainly helped Reid keep his secret over the years. Josh continues "From what Spencer has said, he seems to think you…and the rest of the BAU believe he's incapable of finding someone. That he's a virgin or at least very inexperienced. And he's okay with you believing that, I suppose. I can understand where you…and the team could believe that. Spencer tends to be socially awkward but that doesn't mean he is always like that. And some people find his awkwardness…endearing. Regardless of what you…and the others think, Spencer does date and he's definitely not a virgin." *_Not that he's dated much since he fell in love with Morgan… Over two long years of one disappointing date after another certainly put an end to Spencer's attempts to find someone other than Morgan.*_ Josh thinks wryly. "But with his trust issues and insecurities, a serious relationship with him takes more patience than most have. He's not a one-night stand kind of guy either. Spencer actually turns down dates more than you would think."

Josh watches as Morgan's brow cocks in disbelief. "I've dragged Pretty Boy to clubs a bunch of times and it is pretty rare for anyone, woman or man for that matter, to come up to him."

_*Ah, there's that nickname Spencer both loves and hates. The one that gives him both hope and crushing disappointment every time he hears it.* _"That is with you…and your coworkers. When he isn't hiding his sexuality or worrying what others might think, Spencer is much more relaxed and approachable." _*Going to a club with Morgan is utter torture for Spencer, having to watch him flirt, touch, dance, kiss others, take women home, all while hopelessly wishing it was __**him**__ not some random woman. Who would want to approach a guy so obviously miserable? __**That**__ is why Morgan never sees him relaxed at a club.*_ "Some nights Spencer has to beat them off with a stick. You aren't the only one that thinks Spencer is…pretty." The short blonde gives the other man a sly, knowing grin. That smile tells Morgan exactly what Josh thinks is the reason he gave Spencer that nickname.

Derek can hear the implications of that last statement and the infuriating grin. Morgan does not like this guy. The fact that Josh knows parts of Reid he doesn't is enough for him not to like him. The insinuations certainly aren't helping Morgan like him either. Derek can easily read the underlying message that insinuates he finds Spencer attractive. *_That's ridiculous! I don't think Reid is pretty! Of course not, I would never! He's my friend* _He immediately buries the implications and his own resulting confusion. Derek has learned how to suppress things quite well over the years.

Morgan is then torn between skepticism and sadness. He can't imagine Reid relaxed enough that people ask him out by the swarms. Yet, he's also sad that Spencer has never been as relaxed and open as this Josh guy describes he _can_ be. Derek feels almost jealous that this stupid, arrogant blonde has seen sides of Reid that he never has. It isn't fair. It isn't right!

"Personally, I think it's easier for Spencer if you all think of him more as a robot. You know without sexuality, than as a real man, with desires. No one expects him to be in an actual relationship or be any good at relationships. It keeps you out of his personal life, his sexual life. Which from what he has said about you…and the rest works quite well. None of you ask him about dates any longer as you…all…just assume he doesn't have one. It allows you…and the team to ignore or forget that Spencer has a sexual appetite like any other normal man. It makes it easy for him to hide his sexuality." *_And his love for you.*_ "It also makes it so he can't disappoint you or your team with his unusual, or deviant, views on sexuality." Josh is relieved that the other man is perplexed enough that he doesn't realize why he continually pauses before including the rest of the team. Morgan's profiler brain must truly be rattled when he doesn't notice or realize what those repeated slip-ups imply.

Morgan is reeling from all the things Reid has kept to himself, all the things he hasn't told him. All the things this stupid, cocky blonde_ nobody_ knows about Spencer that he doesn't. The agent is a bit offended that Reid believes that he and the team would reject or judge him for his sexuality. Derek is also saddened that Spencer doesn't trust him enough to reveal such significant aspects of himself to him, to be open and honest. He hates that Reid can be open with this short, arrogant jerk but not with him. He thought they were close. Derek thought they were best friends, that Reid really trusted him.

Josh can see the hurt in dark agent's brown eyes, the pain that Spencer had hidden such important parts on himself from him. Josh drops the smug, knowing attitude and simply wishes he could explain. That he could tell him that by the time Spencer had fully trusted Morgan, which admittedly took a long time, he was already starting to have serious feelings for him. Josh wishes he could say that Spencer hid his sexuality from him and the whole team _because of those feelings_. Not because he didn't trust Morgan or the team. Josh longs to tell the man that Spencer's hopeless love for him and his fear of rejection has caused him to hide from Morgan, from the team. Josh simply wants to tell him the truth, to give his friend a chance at love, at happiness. Yet, even if he believes Derek has the right to know, that Spencer _should_ tell him, Josh can't, not without his friend's permission. He promised him he would keep it secret if Morgan ever came around to ask questions and he cannot betray his trust.

"He's been staying here?" Derek asks with resignation and sadness.

"Yes."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know. He went for a walk."

"Would you tell me if you knew?"

"Um…probably not, it's Spencer. You've worked with him for a long time; you must be aware he has serious trust issues. I couldn't tell you even if I wanted to." *_And trust me, Agent Morgan, there is so much I wish I could tell you. But I can't because I could never betray Spencer by revealing things I promised I wouldn't.* _

"Yeah, I know," Morgan says dejectedly, and leaves with a heavy heart.

Josh watches the miserable agent walk away slowly. _*Spencer might be wrong about him. Morgan cares about him, a lot. Maybe even more than he, himself, knows… Hopefully Morgan will figure that out soon. Before Spencer gets hurt, more than he already has been.*_

Derek hangs around outside, and asks Garcia monitor the friend's tech uses (phone, internet, etc.). Then, he goes home, so maybe his dog, Clooney, can cheer him up and distract him from his pain and fear.

* * *

Anybody recognize who I based the friend, Josh, on?


	4. Spencer and Josh

Later, Josh gets a phone call from Reid, who is using a pre-paid cell phone. "I see you got a visit from Morgan," Reid states.

"You saw that, did you? How close was it?"

"Close enough. Thankfully I saw him before he saw me."

Josh wonders if that luck is a good or bad thing.

"Did you tell him anything?" Spencer asks.

"About where you are?"

"Yes."

"I don't know where you are, and even if I did I wouldn't have told him."

"But you told him something else didn't you?" Reid infers.

"God, you are such a profiler. How did you know?"

"You answered my question with a question. If you hadn't told him anything, you would have just said no."

"Well, shit. You know how hard it is to fool you profiler man?" Josh jokes.

Unfortunately, Reid can't summon a laugh and gets straight to the point, "What did you tell him?"

"I told him about your views on sexuality...and about your sexuality."

"Oh."

"Spencer, you never told him. Why didn't you just tell him?"

"You know why."

"Did you tell any of them?"

"No."

"Spencer, why? I want a real answer this time."

He reluctantly answers, "They all seem to like to think that I am asexual, completely socially incompetent, or at least very, _very_ inexperienced. Granted I realize I tend to be socially awkward, especially when compared to Morgan, so I get where they are coming from. But I'm certain most of the team, if not all of them, think I'm still a virgin. A thirty year old virgin, jeez…" Reid replies wryly. Spencer knows he's not a player like Morgan but despite what his colleagues think he is not a virgin. He hasn't been for quite some time, and he's slept with more than one person. Spencer sighs loudly. He doesn't add that he is afraid they will reject him or be disgusted by his sexuality, irrational or not. It wouldn't be the first time. His own father completely disowned when he found out, not that he was in Reid's life much before that. Spencer has not seen his father since.

"So, why didn't you set them straight?"

"In the beginning it was just easier…"

"You mean safer." Josh won't allow him excuses in which to hide behind.

"Yes, _safer_, to let them believe that. It takes me a long time to trust, you know that."

"But you've been with them eight years! Don't you think there was a chance for you to tell them in all that time? It's because of your father, isn't it?"

"That's…part of the reason," Spencer admits grudgingly.

"It's more than part, isn't it? They aren't your father, Spencer. _He _isn't like your father. They wouldn't reject you like he did. You know these people. You should know they wouldn't do that after eight years together. Spencer, you trust them with your life but not with parts of who you are?"

"Who's the profiler now?" Reid shoots back, clearly trying to avoid answering the question.

"It's obvious Spencer, even to me."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Well?"

"Morgan already knows, so the rest of team will know. He'll want to know if anyone else knew."

"Spencer, where are you going to stay now?"

"I can't tell you, it's best that way. I'm sure Garcia is monitoring this call in an effort to find me."

"Okay. But take care of yourself. And let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"I will. Thanks Josh."

Penelope Garcia fills Morgan in on the phone call between Reid and Josh, but can't give him any clues as to where to find him. She is able to determine he's still in the city but can't narrow it down fast enough to get a useful location. The phone call makes Garcia wonder about Spencer, it seems he's either gay or bisexual or something other than straight. And poor Spencer was rejected by his own father because his sexuality. He sounded so tired, so resigned that she wants to gather him in her arms and embrace him. She wants to tell him he's wrong, that they will support and love him, no matter his sexuality. For once Penelope keeps her thoughts and questions to herself, figuring if Derek or Spencer had wanted her to know, they would tell her. Morgan also keeps what he's learned to himself, telling no one what he learned about Reid's sexuality. Despite what Spencer thinks, he will not tell the others anything he's learned.

Derek finds it heart-breaking that Reid was apparently rejected by his own father because of his sexuality. _*It's no wonder Reid can't trust, with all the pain, the rejections he's endured. As if being a genius, his father's desertion, and his mother's illness weren't hard enough, Reid had to, at some point, deal with his own father's rejection simply because of who he is.* _

**CMCMCMCMCMCM**

Reid had planned ahead, knowing that it was possible that someone, most likely Derek and Garcia, would find him at Josh's. Spencer had laid out a plan with Josh in case one of the team found him. Following the plan, Josh goes to a movie after the phone call, stays for 45 minutes before leaving and meeting up with Reid. Josh gives him some cash and a new burner cell.

As Josh is about to leave, he hesitates and looks at his friend. Reid is a shadow of the man he was just a few days ago, hell a few _hours_ ago. His gorgeous brown orbs are dimmed by sorrow and despondency. His skin unbelievably pale and the circles under his eyes stand out so stark against his skin that he looks like he hasn't slept for weeks. Reid even appears frail, instead of merely thin, as if his emotional pain is eating away not only his mind but his body as well. He looks…broken.

"Spencer?"

Reid's sad eyes meet Josh's.

"I think you're underestimating him. Morgan, he cares more than you think. What if you're wrong, what if he feels the same way about you? Spencer, you should have seen how miserable he was, how hurt he was that you hid things from him, that you didn't trust him enough to share your secrets. Did you ever think that maybe Morgan has feelings for you, too? That maybe he just doesn't realize it yet or isn't brave enough to speak up first? You can't give up on something this important before you even try. Tell him. Give him a chance, give _yourself_ a chance."

"Josh. I just can't face his rejection or pity or hatred. I've survived a lot of things but I don't think I can live through that."

"But if you don't take that risk, you won't ever have a chance of happiness. Spencer, _you love him_! For almost five years, you have been in love with Morgan. Five years and you haven't gotten over him. Not even a little bit! How can telling him that, be any worse than what you are going through right now? Face it Spencer, he might be it for you. The _one_, your forever love, the one person _no one else_ can ever compare to. Judging from how long you've unsuccessfully tried to get over him, that seems very unlikely. There is no possibility of happiness in giving up without a fight. You are simply guaranteeing yourself more heartache. Do you want to be miserable the rest of your life? How can you be willing to give up everything you love: Derek, the BAU, your job, your_ life_, to hide this secret? But aren't willing to risk rejection and tell him you love him. _Please _Spencer, _tell_ _him_. You trust him with your life every day on the job. Trust him with your heart; trust that he won't let your heart shatter. You need to take a leap of faith, Spencer. I know it is scary, I do. You remember how afraid I was to tell that Neanderthal I loved him but look at us now. We wouldn't be together if I hadn't taken that risk, that leap of faith. Because _he _sure wasn't going to. Take your own leap of faith."

Reid remains silent but Josh can see his mind working. If nothing else, Spencer has at least listened to what he had to say. Josh can only hope that it is enough.


	5. Derek Finds Out

After three long days of hiding, Reid finally goes home. He has to go to work in the morning and he still hasn't decided what to do. He's certain Josh is right, Derek is his forever love. Reid has tried to get over him for almost five years and his love has only strengthened. He knows that Derek will always hold his heart, whether he wants him to or not. His heart is already Morgan's and Spencer knows that nothing he can do will ever change that. The thought of someone else in his life feels like a betrayal, as ridiculous as it sounds.

Yet, Spencer can't make up his mind: truth or lies, risk or safety, fight or flight. And he's just so very tired. Tired of hiding his feelings, tired of wanting someone he can never have, tired of fearing rejection, tired of being alone, and tired of always being different.

Reid wearily throws his sweater into the closet by the door. He is greeted by the constantly burning nightlights in his hallway; his fear of the dark had driven him to install the lights years ago. They allow him to walk toward his bedroom without turning any additional lights on. The genius is completely unaware of the presence there, waiting for him in the darkness.

Derek speaks out from the shadows, "Where have you been?" Reid jumps. His heart is racing from the scare. "M—Morgan, you scared the daylights out of me! Don't _do_ that! If I had my gun, I could have shot you!" Thankfully, his gun is safely locked away, as it always is when he is not at work. Morgan gets up off the chair he's been sitting in for hours, where he had been waiting for Reid to come home, and advances toward him. Spencer turns the living room light on. He is blissfully unaware that Derek is stalking toward him like a fierce panther. He stands with his hand on his heart trying to calm himself. Too late, he looks up and realizes that Morgan has come close, and he is unable to dodge him. Once Derek reaches Reid, he traps him against the wall, his hands on either side of Spencer's head, leaving the taller man completely at his mercy. Spencer's panicked eyes meet Derek's frustrated ones.

The two men both look terrible. The three days have taken quite a toll on both of them. Spencer has even darker circles beneath his eyes than normal and he's incredibly pale even for him. Derek looks stressed and exhausted, his normally radiant chocolate skin is muted and lackluster. His face shows none of his usual confidence and carefree manner, just weariness, anger, pain, and desperation.

Their faces mere inches apart, Morgan growls, "No more evasions, Reid. You _are_ going to tell me what the hell is going on! I have been searching for you for three days. _Three days! _I've tried to be patient but I am not leaving until you tell me what the _fuck_ is going on!"

Reid is silent, trying to absorb the feeling of Morgan's closeness. It might be the last time he sees his love, his last chance to be near him, and Spencer wants to remember every second of his closeness, every single feeling running through his body, even if Derek is angry. His memories will be both a blessing and a curse.

The genius can feel the other man's warm breath caressing his face, the delicious heat coming off Derek's body, the intoxicating, sexy masculine scent of Morgan tickling his nose. Spencer feels like his body is on fire and Derek hasn't even touched him. His mind is screaming at him to close the distance. To feel Derek's lips against his own, to rub his body against the other man's. Reid's eyes are drawn to those dark, plump lips, so close, so tempting even when hardened with anger. To fight the temptation, he closes his eyes.

Morgan is totally oblivious to the torment Reid is experiencing, the pleasure and pain he is feeling with their bodies almost touching. "Open your eyes and look at me!" he yells, in the same tone he uses to provoke suspects into reacting. Reid's eyes pop open and he gazes into Morgan's eyes. He feels as if he is being hypnotized, as if those coffee-colored eyes are boring into his heart, his very soul. "Tell me what is going on." Reid slowly shakes his head. "I am not leaving without some answers. You're thinking of leaving the team…" _*Leaving me!*_ Derek's heart cries. "And I want to know _why_. Pretty Boy, let me help you," he pleads softly.

Sadly, Reid responses "You can't help me, Morgan. Telling you will only make things worse." He cannot find an ounce of optimism within himself to believe that revealing his secret will be anything but a disaster.

Derek is so confused by the other man's clear misery. He cannot understand how knowing what is going on with Reid could possibly make things any worse than they already are. Morgan silently wishes that his profiling skills worked better on the genius. As the years passed it seems he has lost the ability to read the other man. Spencer is no longer an open book to him. Somehow Reid has gotten good at hiding things from him. Derek is unaware that he learned to deceive him out of necessity, out of desperation and fear. "You don't know that!" the older profiler insists.

"Yes, I do. You don't know how much I do. I have had days to think about this, and the weeks and months prior. I have done nothing else over the last damn _year_ but analyze out how you'd react! I _know_," Spencer vows sorrowfully, his voice heartbreakingly certain.

Morgan, angry at his own helplessness, slams Reid into the wall. Aggressively crowding the younger man, he shouts "Reid, you are going to fucking tell me what is going on!" His patience has reached its end, he _needs _to know.

The lanky man, not even frightened by the show of violence, finally snaps. The secret can no longer be contained. He defiantly yells back, "I'm in love with you! There, you happy?!" Spencer is unable to hold it in anymore, doesn't _want_ to. Maybe he's unconsciously taking a chance that Morgan could feel the same…influenced by JJ's and Josh's words, or maybe he simply can't keep it inside anymore, he doesn't know. All Spencer knows is that he has kept it secret for too long. It has been slowly killing him to keep it inside, crushing him under the weight of it. Derek knows now and suddenly all the fight in Spencer is lost.

The muscular man backs away, visibly staggered. That is the last thing he expected to hear, that his best friend, _Reid_! for god's sake, is in love with _him_! The genius, taking advantage of the other man's astonishment, grabs his phone off the coffee table and flees. Derek is frozen by what Reid has just screamed at him. It's a full minute later before he can shake off the shock. Looking around, Morgan sees that Reid has vanished. _*Oh my God! I have to find him!* _


	6. Fran is Awesome

Morgan is trying to wrap his mind around what just happened, what Reid had said, as he frantically searches for him. Derek immediately calls the one person he knows can help him figure this out: his mama. He can count on Fran to be honest, brutally honest if necessary. There is no one in his world he trusts more, who loves and accepts him more, no one whose opinion means more to him than his mama. _*Except maybe Reid*_ Derek realizes with a start. _*What does __**that**__ mean? What does that say about the kind of relationship we have…or could have?* _He is astounded at how blind and ignorant he's been concerning Spencer and his importance in his life.

"Mama? I talked to Reid," he says wearily, the emotional toil of this situation is weighing on him.

"What did he say?"

"I took your advice. I wouldn't take no for an answer. He…he blurted out that he's in love with me. Reid's in love with me." Derek is still in shock, utterly baffled by the fact that Reid loves _him_.

"I know."

"You **_know_**? How could you possibly know that?!"

"It was pretty obvious, honey. Remember that barbeque you had at your house? Your whole team was there. When your sisters were telling embarrassing stories about you, I caught him staring at you with such intense longing. After that I watched him, I had to know if I was right. And I was. I saw glimpses of that same look of longing on his face when he looked at you again and again. A couple of times he looked absolutely miserable, as if for several brief seconds he couldn't hide that he was looking at something he desperately wanted but felt he could never have. And that something was _you._" Fran remembers her own surprise at realizing that her son's best friend is in love with him. A single moment when Reid allowed himself to be unguarded is all it took for her to recognize that he is unreservedly in love with Derek. That moment revealed all the desperation, hopelessness, and fear that love made him feel. Now, all she has to do is show her son all the facts and make him realize he loves Spencer back. "Dr. Reid seems to be uncomfortable with being touched. Yet, the only exception appears to be you. When you touch him, he doesn't jerk away or tense, as he does with everyone else. He relaxes when near you, and relishes your attention. He lets you tease him. No one else seems to be able to tease him like you do. His heart was right there for anyone to see if they simply paid attention, if they opened their eyes enough to realize what he is hiding behind that front he puts up. I am surprised not one of you profilers has seen the signs. But maybe it's because you and your team are too close to Reid to see it."

"That was six months ago! Why didn't you tell me, Mama? How could you keep this from me?" he asks sounding wounded. Morgan cannot believe she kept something this important from him. His best friend is in love with him and his mom knew and never told him.

"Derek, baby, I told you before. It wasn't my secret to reveal. If it had been someone else on your team, I might have. But Spencer is more insecure. He isn't as confident as the rest of your team. You might even be his first love. This is not something I felt any right to expose, even to you. Either he needed to tell you…or you had to figure it out." The Morgan matriarch knows that revealing that secret would have been a mistake. Derek can be impulsive and Fran fears he would have confronted Spencer. With how insecure and sensitive Reid is, she has a feeling he would not have reacted well to being blindsided by Derek…especially if the truth came from her.

Morgan is silent as he considers what his mother has said.

"What are you going to do now?" Fran asks.

"I…I don't know." He is at a loss what to do next. His best friend is in love with him. His _male _best friend. The way he had perceived Reid and their relationship is flawed. What he thought he knew is wrong. Derek doesn't know what to do now.

"You have feelings for him, deep feelings. Derek, I think you might even be in love with him." Fran knows her son well. He may be in denial himself but she knows he cares for Spencer Reid much more than he realizes. Fran had not understood the full extent of his caring until she had realized Spencer's love. It was then that she saw her son with new eyes. The way he talks about and acts around him are all the evidence she needs. There is always a special fondness in his voice and face whenever he talks about Reid. She has seen that same fondness when the pair is together. Now, she only has to make Derek face the truth, the one she suspects he has been hiding from for a while.

"What?!" He cannot be more surprised that she says that so confidently. His _mother_ thinks he is in love with his best friend, a _man_! He has never even _looked_ at a man before!

"Don't try to deny it! Derek Morgan, you call the man Pretty Boy."

"Yeah…but—"

"Don't interrupt!"

"Sorry, Mama," Derek replies meekly. He may be a big, bad, alpha FBI agent but his mother is the one person he willingly submits to. She raised three equally stubborn children, mostly alone. Fran is a force to be reckoned with.

"You call him Pretty Boy. You tease him incessantly but only him. You don't tease the rest of your team like you do him. You are constantly touching him. Baby, I don't think you even _realize_ how much you are doing it. You're always talking about him with indescribable affection, much more than anyone else, from work or otherwise. At the BBQ, you brought him a plate filled with the food he likes and coffee, just the way he likes it. You didn't do that for anyone else… And none of your team seemed to think anything of it. It was obviously not the first time you had done that."

For the second time that night, Morgan is stunned. _*I do all that? How did I not realize what I was doing? Is Mama right? Do I have feelings for Reid?*_

"What about…?" Derek can't quite spit out his name, Buford, but Fran hears it all the same. After Carl Buford had been arrested, Derek had finally told his mother about what the man had done to him. The tearful, shame-filled confession had been a relief to him. Hiding his pain and shame from his mother had been hard. For the first time, he had allowed himself to _not _be the strong one, to let down his guard. He finally faced what happened. He faced that he was not blame and that it didn't happen because he wasn't strong enough. Morgan finally completely accepted that he is blameless. Buford solely holds the blame for taking advantage of a vulnerable fatherless boy who trusted him. It took awhile but the two overcame their guilt and shame and came out with an even stronger relationship.

"Oh, Baby. What that man did to you has nothing to do with Spencer, or your feelings for him. And you know it! You cannot possibly compare the two."

Her reply loosens a bit of the tension in his body because he knows it's true. Buford and Reid are worlds apart, universes apart. Buford is darkness consumed with betrayal, pain, anger, and shame. Reid is a pure, shining light filled with kindness, goodness, and love. Morgan tentatively asks, "You're…okay with this?"

"Derek, you're my baby boy. Always have been and always will be. I love you no matter what. Nothing, I mean absolutely _nothing_ in this world could ever make me stop loving you. Nothing could ever make your sisters stop loving you either."

Morgan can hear her unspoken message: that if either of his sisters dared react with judgment, they'd have to deal with _her_. And all three of them are a little afraid of Fran, with good reason. She's a dangerous and terrifying adversary, especially when one of her children is threatened. His mother had married his father at a time where inter-racial relationships were still very taboo. It took strength to withstand the constant judgments, hate, and racial slurs. Strength is something Derek has always known his mother has an abundance of.

"Dr. Reid is a brilliant and wonderful man. He has all the qualities you need in a mate: he's fiercely loyal, honest, endearing, sensitive, and intelligent. He's attractive and trustworthy, dedicated and kind. And he _cares_. Spencer _understands_ you. He understands the long hours, the toll your job can have on a person because he lives it too. And he loves _you_, exactly as you are, flaws and all. And I believe he has for longer than we know. If you take the time, you'll be able to see that as easily as I can. I think Spencer could make you happy, Derek. How could I not want that for you? You _deserve_ to be happy, baby, regardless of what you might think. And so does Spencer." His mother pauses, her tone serious "I know you are terrified of relationships. I know a relationship with him is even more frightening because you are both men. I was scared about being with your father, too. But I loved him and I wasn't willing to give him up because of fear or the fact that other people thought that our love was wrong, was _sinful_. I have never regretted choosing him, never regretted our love or our time together. Anyone you love, no matter who you love, Derek, loving someone is never wrong. You will never find another person like Spencer. Never. Nor do I think you'll find anyone who loves you as much he does or will be as devoted to you. Don't let him go. Don't let your chance of happiness fly by because he's not what you expected to find. Don't let him go because you are too scared about what others might think," his mother pleads. Fran believes with all her heart that Spencer is the best thing to ever happen to her son and she can only pray that Derek will see that.

Morgan is immensely relieved by her acceptance. It's one less thing to worry about. He doesn't have a lot of time for doubts, fears, and identity crises, not with Spencer running. Her words and pleas give him a lot to think about. His mama has yet to steer him wrong. He can't imagine how she could be wrong about something she seems to be absolutely sure about. "Okay, Mama. I'll find Reid…and figure this out."

"One more thing, Derek. You have always had a need to take care of others, to protect people who are vulnerable. Spencer, he has never had anyone do that for him. He _needs _someone that will protect and care for him, even if it's only against himself. You know that his childhood has left scars on him, on his self-esteem and self-worth; we've talked about it before. Spencer deserves someone who loves him, and Derek, I believe that person is _you_."


	7. Derek Thinks About Feelings

Looking for Reid, Morgan cannot help but ponder over what his mama had said. His first reaction is to deny. To deny that Reid loves him, deny what his mama said, to deny that he could have feelings for another **_man_**, for his best friend, for _Reid_. He wants to run, as Spencer has, to run away from it. It would be so much easier to just ignore it, to suppress it…and much harder to face it. For once he is going to have to face his problems head on, to deal with it instead of sweeping it under the rug or locking it up in an unreachable part of his mind. If he had more time, if Spencer wasn't already running away, Derek might have had time to panic, time to deny everything. But with Spencer fleeing, Morgan has very little time to freak out.

What his mother had said echoes in his mind:

_"_You call him Pretty Boy." Derek can't help but remember what Spencer's friend Josh said: "You aren't the only one that thinks Spencer is pretty." He remembers the smug look on Josh's face, as if he _knew _exactly how Derek sees Spencer. He remembers the confusion he felt before he suppressed it. _*When did I start calling him that? __**Why**__ am I always calling him Pretty Boy? Do I think Reid is…pretty? Do I find him attractive? Is this why I call him that? I mean it's not really a normal thing for one man to call another man, at least for men that are supposedly merely friends. And I don't mean it in a demeaning way, either. Despite what I've told myself in the past, I don't honestly think the nickname came about as a joke, not entirely at least. Is the reason behind the nickname because I'm attracted to him or because I can see he's attractive in a general sense? I don't know. Maybe deep in my mind, I do find him attractive and the nickname is a way to unconsciously express that without having to actually admit it, to face it. It's always felt natural, right even to call him that. To ruffle his boy band hair and call him Pretty Boy. In the past few months, it seems I call and think of him as Pretty Boy, more than his own name. It feels right to call him that, so right that I never really considered why I do or what it really means. No one else calls him Pretty Boy and I don't think I'd like it if anyone did. It's MY name for him.*_

"You tease him incessantly…but only him." _*That doesn't mean anything! It's so easy to rile Pret—Reid. No one else on the team reacts to my teasing like he does. That doesn't mean I have…feelings for him!*_

"You are constantly touching him." _*Do I seriously touch him that much? Why am I touching him all the time? How many times do I ruffle his hair or put an arm around his shoulder? I don't do that with the others. I rarely touch anyone else. What the hell does that mean?! If Mama notices it and she hardly sees us together, how didn't I realize how often I touch him? How didn't I notice that he's the only one I touch? How didn't the team? I…I __**like**__ touching him. I like that he…enjoys my touch. I like that he doesn't jerk away or jump when it's me that touches him. I like that I'm the only one he allows to touch him without feeling uncomfortable or unsure. I don't think I could stop myself from touching him. Is it because he's my best friend…and I love him…love showing my affection for him? Because I love that he trusts me enough, is comfortable enough to allow me to touch him? Or is it because I want to, NEED to, because I have feelings for him, deeper feelings than I realize or want to admit?*_

"You're always talking about him with indescribable affection." _*That's only because we're friends…best friends. Yes, that's the reason. Of course, I would talk about him a lot. Of course I sound fond, he's my best friend!_* Derek can feel himself lying. Making excuses, even if it is just to himself. It would be simple to explain away his behavior but all he can think is: *_Doesn't Reid deserve an honest response to his declaration of love? Even if he did yell it at me.*_ Morgan knows he can't take the easy way. He can't hide from the problem or suppress it until it's like it never happened. Not this time. Derek can't hurt Spencer like that, can't pretend it didn't happen, that his feelings don't matter. Reid is his best friend and he deserves honesty from him. Derek knows he needs to find out how he really feels about Spencer and _fast_. His Pretty Boy is in full out protection mode. He'll run, run as far and as fast as he can. Run from Derek, from the team that has been his family for eight years, from the job he loves just to protect himself from rejection. He'll run from everything and everyone. And Reid would be all alone again. Morgan feels a deep, aching chasm spring up inside at the thought of Spencer all alone without anyone around who loves him. Without anyone who appreciates him for him, appreciates how unique, how _special_ he is. He feels such a painful emptiness deep inside him at the thought of never seeing Reid again. The mere thought is somehow like being consumed by darkness…filled completely with sadness, pain, and loneliness that he can never escape. Derek can no longer ignore it, cannot pretend that there isn't a place in his life, an important…no _vital_ one that can only be filled by Spencer.

_*Okay, I admit it. It's not just because we're friends. Garcia is my best friend too but I don't talk about her that much. And okay, I admit it. My feelings for Spencer are worlds apart different than those I feel for Baby Girl. Pretty Boy…oh God, I'm doing it again. I have to admit it. He's Pretty Boy to me, in my mind, in my heart. He…__**fascinates**__ me. A man that intelligent, he's a walking encyclopedia, his damn eidetic memory, reads 20,000 words a minute, how can you not be fascinated by someone like that? Graduating high school at 12, being the youngest FBI agent ever. He could have chosen anything with his brilliant mind but he chose the FBI so he could help people. Earning three doctorates before he was twenty-one, and holding three undergrad degrees and somehow working on two more even with the hours we keep. And he just turned thirty! I should be jealous but Pretty Boy is so damn endearing. He's awkward and socially clueless. He can recite facts, no one else knows, but can't hold a simple conversation with a woman. Pretty Boy's constantly rambling on about facts that no one else knows…or sometimes cares to know. But it's so endearing, I love his rambling, it is such a part of who he is. It is what makes Reid, __**Reid**__. My Pretty Boy should be arrogant because when is he NOT the smartest person in the room? And despite his appearance, he's not weak. People constantly underestimate him. It is what makes him our secret weapon. Spencer might be the strongest person I know, psychologically. His father leaving, tortured and teased in school, his mother's illness, basically being the parent to her instead of the child at only ten. My childhood wasn't the easiest either but I had my mom and sisters to lean on; he had no one. As if his father hadn't done enough damage by leaving, he actually rejected Spencer because he's bisexual, HIS OWN FATHER! I disliked the man before but now I fucking hate him for all the pain he's caused my Spencer.*_

Derek's hands tighten painfully around the steering wheel in anger, not even realizing he called Reid _his_. He deliberately breathes deep, holding it before releasing it slowly. It helps him let go of his fury and tension, so he can think again. *_Pretty Boy's been kidnapped, tortured, and overcome drug addiction. How many times has he faced death and lived? Maybe bruised and battered but never broken. I wonder if anyone else realizes just how strong he really is, if __**he**__ even realizes it. Pretty Boy is a puzzle I feel urged to solve. He's…simply amazing. How did I not notice that? How can a man that brilliant…interesting… endearing…sexy…want me, a jaded, broken man? Oh shit, I just admitted I find him sexy. How is my mama always right?*_ Instead of dwelling on this, Derek quickly moves on.

"You brought him food and coffee. You don't do that for anyone else…And none of the team seemed to thinking anything of it." *_I've been treating him like I would someone I'm __**with**__. He's perfectly capable of getting his own food or coffee but I bring it to him. How many times have I gotten him coffee at work? Every time I get coffee, I bring him some. Every. Single. Time. Sometimes I go get coffee even if I don't want any, simply as an excuse to bring him coffee. I know exactly how much sugar he likes in his coffee…and it's a lot! It took me WEEKS to figure out just the right amount; there is more sugar than coffee in his preferred cup! I never bring anyone else coffee. I do it not because I have to or because he asks but because I want to. I want to do things for him. I want to see his smile when I do things for him. I want to see that special smile he reserves just for __**me**__.*_

"He _needs _someone that will protect and care for him, even if it's only against himself." _*I want to be that person. I want to protect him. To take care of him, to show him how amazing he truly is. I want to make him realize he's perfect, just the way he is. I want to show him how much I love him. Oh My God…I LOVE him! I'm in love with Dr. Spencer Reid. Holy fuck! When did __**that**__ happen?!* _

Derek halts his thoughts for a second, wondering how long he's been in love Spencer _without even knowing it_. How deep in denial has he _been _and for how _long_?!Because despite the suddenness of the realization, he recognizes it is true. He _loves_ Spencer. Somehow Reid got under all Morgan's defenses and buried himself deep in his heart without him even realizing it. So deep that Derek doubts he can live without him._ *I simply want him…want to be __**with**__ him. As scary as it is, I want a real relationship, __**commitment**__ with my Pretty Boy. I want forever with him. How am I only realizing this now? I HAVE to find him! Please, God, let me find him before it is too late!*_


	8. Spencer Wants a Transfer!

Reid just runs, with no particular destination in mind. He is running like a panicked gazelle from a lion. _*It's over. He knows. I've ruined everything because I couldn't hide my feelings from him anymore. Why couldn't I just keep my big mouth shut? This is all my fault. Stupid!*_

Overwhelmed by depression, Spencer can't force himself to run any longer. Walking aimlessly with tears streaming down his face, chest heaving, Reid realizes, _*I'll have to leave. Leave the first place I have ever felt like I belong. The first place I wasn't treated like some weird freak. Leave the people that have been family to me for so long. Leave the man I love…leave __**Derek**__. I'll be all alone again.*_

A half hour later, Spencer composes himself enough to call his boss. "Hotch," Reid whispers.

"Reid? Is that you? Are you alright?"

Taking a shaky breath, Reid declares "I n-need a transfer."

Aaron is stunned, even with the slipped hint, he is completely taken aback. The BAU team means _everything_ to the younger man. "Why, Reid? Tell me what's wrong. Please, _let me help you_!" the older agent pleads. Everyone who knows the slim genius can't help but want to protect him, and Hotch is no different. Like an innocent kitten, he is so endearing that it is impossible not to care about him, impossible _not_ to want to help him. Aaron feels the pain in Spencer's voice as if it is his own.

Spencer fights the impulse to tell his boss, his friend. "I…I can't. _P-Please_…could you just sign off on the transfer? I h-have to leave, the further away from h-here the better." Hotch realizes Reid is hanging on by a thread. Aaron hears the pain, the utter _despair _in his voice and it breaks his heart. It breaks Hotch's heart into little bitty pieces. So he lies, telling Spencer he'll start the paperwork tomorrow.

A relieved Reid says goodbye and quickly hangs up. He'll escape from here. Escape the pain of having to see Morgan again. Knowing now for sure that the man he loves will never love him back.

Aaron immediately calls Garcia, who is working late, and asks her to trace Spencer's phone. Getting the address, he then calls Derek.

"Morgan," he answers sounding panicked.

"Where are you?" Hotch asks abruptly.

"I'm looking for Reid. He ran off after I finally got him to tell me what was wrong."

"He just called me. He sounded really upset, hell, he sounded _crushed_. Morgan, he…he requested a transfer, as far away from here as possible."

"What?! No no NO! Hotch you can't do it! You can't let him go!" Derek shouts. *_Fuck!* _Although not truly surprised, Morgan is terrified, totally and unreservedly terrified that he'll lose Reid now that he has just found him. When he finally figured out just how much Spencer means to him. He can't lose him now, he just _can't_.

Aaron can hear pain, fear, desperation and terror in Derek's voice. He sounds even more wrecked than Hotch feels. "I told him I would do it but I'm hoping that you can change his mind before that. Do whatever it takes. If you can't convince him, I'll have to do it. I had Garcia track his phone." Hotch tells him where Reid was. "You have to help him, Morgan. Talk to him. If anyone can convince him to stay, it's you." Aaron knows that Morgan is their best bet to help Spencer. No one else has as much influence on the genius as Derek does. With every fiber of his being Hotch is hoping that will be enough, that he will somehow get through to Reid.

_*You have no idea how right you are…*_ "I'm on my way. I'll talk to him. I won't let him leave, I _can't_, Hotch. Not now, not ever!" Derek responds, his voice quivering with desperation and fear.

Aaron stares unseeingly at his phone and for the first time in a long time, he prays.


	9. The Confrontation

I drew some inspiration on parts of this chapter from PinkHimeLacus' story "Wanna be your victim, Ready for abduction" on Great story!

There is male on male sex in this chapter. Feel free to skip it if you want, I will indicate where it is.

* * *

Finally finding Reid, Morgan stops his truck next to him. "Get in, Reid. We need to talk."

Spencer yelps in surprise. He shakes his head before responding, his voice strong and firm despite his obviously tear-stained face, "No, we don't. I'm transferring. You won't ever have to see me anymore." Reid voice abruptly loses its steadiness. "We _never _h-have to talk a-about it," he stutters haltingly.

"Get in the truck," Morgan demands through clenched teeth, his tone adamant and the emotions running just under the surface are barely contained. He can't even look at him because it breaks his heart to see Spencer look utterly crushed. Derek wants to wrap his arms around him and never let him go. But he can't, not yet. Not until they talk.

Reid hesitates.

"Get in the fucking truck!" His fear at losing his best friend, the man he just realized he loves, breaks self-control. Morgan is panicking. He can't lose him, can't let him go. He just _can't _because now that Derek knows, losing him would mean losing part of his very soul. He simply can't bear to live without him.

Spencer grudgingly complies, a bit astounded by Derek's lack of composure.

Morgan drives to his house, as it is closer than Spencer's apartment. Neither man says a word the whole trip. And the silence hangs heavy in the air, filled with tension. Reid is fidgeting with uncertainty and dread, and Derek is flexing his fingers and jaw with ever increasing desperation and fear.

"Get in the house," Morgan demands. His voice leaves no option but to obey.

Slightly afraid at the intense vibes coming off Morgan's body, as if he is close to snapping. Spencer has seen him lose it before and it is a scary sight. Reid reluctantly goes into the house.

Spencer knows how much Derek can hurt him, emotionally. More anyone else ever has. More than Gideon, more than his father. And _he is so afraid_…afraid that he'll reject him. Terrified that Derek will shatter his heart into a million tiny pieces and he will never be whole again. Reid doesn't know how he'll survive if the only person he has ever loved looks him in the eye and tells him he doesn't feel the same or worse look at him with pity, that Spencer could ever possibly think that a man like Derek would ever look at him, that Spencer could ever be good enough to catch a man like Derek.

A brown and white Staffordshire Terrier stands in the doorway of Morgan's house, his mouth open wide in a happy grin. Clooney greets the two familiar men at the door, furiously wiggling his body with unrepentant joy. The supposed 'Reid Effect' never happened with Clooney. Typical of his breed, the dog had been all love and happiness when he first met Spencer, despite the genius' obvious apprehension at their meeting.

Sensing Spencer's troubled mood, Clooney nudges the man with his big broad head in an effort to comfort him. The two men ignore him. A sharp look from Morgan makes the dog go lay down in his bed in the hallway, where he watches the two tense males closely.

"You can't just tell me you love me and then run away!"

Spencer is silent, hanging his head in shame. His shoulders are slumped inward, an obvious attempt at making himself a smaller target.

"You're in love with me; this is what has been going on? This is what you couldn't tell me? How long have you felt this way?"

Reid hugs himself, trying to pretend this isn't happening. Pretend that he is anywhere but here.

Morgan grabs the younger man's chin and forces him to meet his eyes. "How _long_?" he demands.

Resigned, Reid answers "A long time."

Derek simply stares at the miserable man, his eyes silently asking Spencer exactly how long.

"Four years, nine months, twenty-six days, one hour, fifty-three minutes, and forty seconds," Reid answers nonchalantly with a quick check of his watch. His eidetic memory makes it easy to remember when he figured it out, down to the second.

Derek stares at him shocked, _*Reid's been in love with me for almost five years!* _"Why didn't you just tell me?"

Reid feels his anger build up. His shoulders straighten, his stance widens, and his chin juts out, as his irritation provokes him to assume a more aggressive bearing. He stares at the man he loves and answers defiantly, "What would have been the point, Morgan? YOU. ARE. STRAIGHT. The straightest fucking guy I know. You're like a zero on the Kinsey Scale. If it was possible, you'd be a negative number you're so straight! You love women and they love you. You aren't attracted to men. Even if you were…you wouldn't be attracted to me," he finishes sadly, his eyes moving from Derek's face to the floor. With that, his aggressive posture collapses and it again reflects his hopelessness and despair.

Derek shakes his head. He asks softly, "Do you believe you're not good enough for me?" Easily reading the genius' bleak body language, he can see that Reid does believe that. If anything, Morgan thinks he isn't good enough for Spencer. He is so jaded and broken…Reid is so pure and unblemished. No matter what happened or what he sees, somehow Spencer always seems so innocent.

"I'm tall and gangly…and awkward. I ramble. Social situations confuse me. Compared to you I'm basically socially inept! You're charming and muscular and confident…and perfect," his voice gets quieter with every word until the last word comes out as barely a whisper.

Morgan realizes that words aren't going to be able to convince the man of his worth. "Look at me, Pretty Boy." Derek firmly grasps Reid's chin and stares intently into his eyes, while deliberately inching closer. Spencer eyes him warily but doesn't retreat. Morgan lightly presses his lips against Reid's. The younger profiler's eyes widen in shock, as he gapes at the older man. Derek ends the brief kiss, recognizing that he _finally_ has Spencer's complete attention.

Morgan quickly hides his own astonishment at just how much that simple kiss affected him. Derek feels as if a bolt of lightning is coursing through his body. One touch of Spencer's soft lips is like a wildfire running through his veins. He has never felt anything as intensely before, _ever_. Derek is stunned that such a brief touch could incite such a powerful reaction in him. It's something he'll have to consider later.

"Wh—What?" Reid asks in disbelief.

"You're right. I am not attracted to men."

Looking baffled, he questions, "Then why did you just kiss me?"

"I wasn't finished."

Spencer's mouth snaps shut.

"I am not attracted to men but I am attracted to _you_. It took you screaming at me that you were in love with me and a conversation with my mama for me to wake up and realize that. I spent the last hour looking for you. And do you know what I was doing all that time?"

Reid shakes his head.

"I talked to my mama—"

"You _told_ your mom?"

"She already knew."

"WHAT?!" Reid shouts.

"Yeah, I was actually as surprised as you…"

"Wait, you _knew_ before I told you?!" Spencer cries, sounding betrayed.

"Pretty Boy, no! I didn't know! She said she knew why you were upset, why you were acting so strangely but she refused to tell me. Mama didn't admit what she knew until _after_ you told me. She—she told me I had feelings for you and made it perfectly clear_ exactly how she knew that_." Morgan sees Reid wants to interrupt, "Let me finish." At Spencer's reluctant nod, he continues. "Mama gave me a lot to think about. And that's what I did for most of that hour. Do you want to know what I found out?"

Again, Reid bobs his head, a little more hopeful but fear still clear in his beautiful eyes.

"You are special, Pretty Boy. You've always been special to me. I just didn't realize _how_ special. I couldn't see what was right in front of my face this whole time. How much you really mean to me. You are my best friend but today…_today_ I realized what I feel for you is so much deeper than that. My mama is right. I do have feelings for you, strong feelings. We may not be much alike but we're two pieces to the same puzzle, we _fit_ Spencer. It doesn't matter to me that you're a guy. All that matters is that I found _you_, the perfect person for _me_. I maybe had to be hit over the head to realize it but Spencer, _I love you_!" Derek chest is heaving with just how much he means those words, how very important it is that Spencer believes him. Because with every fiber of his being, Derek believes what he said…he loves his Pretty Boy as he has no other and he suspects that no one will ever make him feel quite what this man does.

Spencer is hesitant to believe Morgan is telling the truth, even if he can see and hear his sincerity. It's overwhelming and simply too good to be true. Good things like this don't happen to him. Never in his wildest dreams did he think Derek would be attracted to him, much less _love _him. "Do…do you really mean that? You're not just saying that to make me feel better?" he asks quietly. Reid's doubts and fear are clearly heard in his voice.

Morgan is a little hurt that Reid could think that of him but knowing how insecure Spencer can be, understands why he does. "Pretty Boy, of course I mean it! I wouldn't have said it if it wasn't true. I would never lie to you like that. I've never felt this way before, ever. No one else has ever made me feel the way you do. The mere thought of you not being in my life is more than I can bear. Spencer, God, I love you so much." Without hesitation, Derek presses his lips to Reid's, letting his passion reaffirm his words.

When Spencer finally believes him, he responds to his kiss, a look of pure ecstasy on his face. This is what he had always hoped for, dreamed of but never believed he would ever have. Love. Pure, unrestrained love. Derek slowly traces the seam of Reid's mouth with his tongue and the genius moans before opening his mouth, silently letting the other man inside. Eagerly, Morgan melds his tongue with Reid's, who tastes of coffee and honey and it's _awesome. _Spencer devours the strong, bold, dark chocolate flavor that completely matches who Derek is. The older man crowds his Pretty Boy, impatiently pressing him against the wall before grinding his hips into Reid's, their growing erections rubbing together. The two men groan at the delicious friction. Spencer suddenly pushes against Derek, taking him by surprise, skillfully switching their positions. Morgan's back is against the wall of the entryway, with Reid standing in front of him. Looking deeply into his eyes, Spencer vows "If you want to stop, if anything makes you uncomfortable, just tell me, okay? And I'll stop." The older agent, who is already breathing hard in anticipation, nods eagerly. He has no intention of stopping Spencer.

Reid reaches up to cup Derek's face, placing a slow, deliberate kiss on his lips. He retreats and Derek strains forward trying to follow those delicious, luscious pink lips because Spencer is an _amazing _kisser. A quick, happy grin flashes on Spencer's face at the other man's eagerness, which widens at Derek's whine of protest, which he will adamantly deny he ever made.

Still grinning broadly, he plants his hands on Morgan's muscular chest to keep him immobile. Once he's sure the other man won't move he starts kissing down his dark, muscular neck. Spencer drags his tongue along his skin, enjoying the salty flavor. Derek's breathing speeds up and he gives a low purr before arching his throat to give Reid better access. Unexpectedly, the younger man quickly bites hard on a pulse point and receives a surprised yelp in response. Soothing that spot with an open mouth kiss, Spencer can feel the rumbled groan and sigh under his lips that are escapes Derek's throat. Reid slips his hands under the other man's sweater, before slowly pulling it up and off. His long fingers graze down the older man's chest to his stomach, marveling at the feeling of Morgan's muscles rippling in response. Derek has his eyes closed with his head slumped back against the wall, and is panting. Goosebumps appear on the darker man's skin as Spencer's nimble fingers caress him and Derek lets out another pleasured sigh. At that sound of approval, the younger man trails his fingers across his muscled chest, circling his nipples before allowing his lips and tongue to trace that same path. Touching and tasting the man he loves feels better than Reid could have ever imagined. He is thankful for his eidetic memory, for if he never gets another chance, he wants be able to remember every, single detail.

Spencer tentatively allows his fingers to dip beneath the waistband of other man's pants. Derek's eyes pop open and he gasps but does not ask him to stop. The genius drops to his knees. Their eyes meet as he searches the man slumped against the wall for any signs of resistance or revulsion. He finds nothing but lust gracing the beautiful face of his dark skinned love, Derek's soulful brown orbs blown wide silently begging him to continue.

* * *

_**Sex starts now**_

* * *

Reid starts unbuttoning and unzipping, gently tugging the pants down his legs. The older man eagerly kicks off his shoes, socks, and pants before leaning back against the wall. Spencer hovers over Derek's hips, his hot breath causing Morgan's cock to visibly twitch. It quickly hardens and he unconsciously thrusts his hips toward Reid. The growing bulge in his tight black boxer briefs makes it very clear that Derek wants this, _wants Spencer. _Reid quickly strips the revealing boxers off. Wasting no time, he immediately engulfs Derek in the warm heat of his mouth. "Ho-LEE fuck!" Morgan shouts as his back arches off the wall. Smiling around his mouthful at the outburst, the younger man allows his tongue to trace the vein underneath Derek's length, from base to tip. A choking, pleasured sound erupts from Derek and his breathing hitches again as Reid takes him back into his mouth. The brush of the soft chestnut hair against his bare thighs and Spencer's hot, sweet, wet mouth are quickly driving the darker man crazy. "Oh my God. Pretty Boy, so hot, feels so fucking good!"

If he had any real capacity to think beyond 'hot and wet and good and dear God don't stop,' he would be in awe of how sexy Spencer is and how his touch makes Derek feel like he's ablaze. No one else has ever gotten him this hot, this fast. It is positively _sinful_ and would be a bit embarrassing if it didn't feel so damn good. The genius's pink tongue traces the slit, again and again, eagerly lapping up the leaking pre-cum. Derek instinctively grasps the kneeling man's head, tangling his fingers in those short, chestnut curls. Spencer begins bobbing up and down Morgan's cock with enthusiasm, his hands gently squeezing and tugging his balls. Derek locks his knees, almost trembling as wave after wave of pleasure runs through his body. Spencer hollows out his cheeks, before taking all he can into his mouth and swallowing. It's about the hottest thing Derek has ever seen. None of the many women he has been with can compare. None have ever looked as sexy or given him the same intense pleasure that Spencer is giving him.

Morgan is rapidly losing control: alternating between cursing, moaning, and shouting Spencer's name. In the back of his mind he wonders _*Where the fuck has Spencer been hiding __**this**__?! His magic mouth is going to make me explode in a very embarrassingly short amount of time! How the hell can this fricken sex god be hidden under my Pretty Boy's normally shy, insecure self?* _Derek suddenly decides he doesn't care how, as long as Reid doesn't stop, as long as he _never_ does this for anyone else. For the first time in his life Morgan feels possessive and the level of it is quite astonishing. Like a toddler with a toy all he can think is _*Mine, mine, mine! No one else's!* _

The older man realizes at this moment that Spencer is the one in control. He wouldn't be able to keep himself from rather pathetically begging if the kneeling man stopped his movements. But it is not only in sex but this relationship that Reid has the power. Morgan is willing to do anything, absolutely _anything_ to keep Spencer. His tenuous control finally snaps when his Pretty Boy starts happily humming around him. All the frustration, lust, and emotions he has built up make it impossible to hold back. Derek holds Reid's head in place and frantically fucks his mouth like a horny teenager. Positively gleeful that Spencer gives no resistance but actively encourages it. Feeling his balls tighten, he screams "Pretty Boy!" before exploding in the younger man's mouth. Morgan's vision flashes white. He feels like he is going to passing out from the intensity. Derek comes harder than he ever has in his entire life. Spencer immediately swallows his mouthful, his very talented mouth coaxing out and lapping up every last drop.

The older man is understandably shaken, considering he has just experienced the most intense orgasm _of his life_…._and_ Reid is the one who caused it. His shy, innocent Pretty Boy…who is evidently not so innocent and he fucking _loves_ it.

A few moments later, Derek reluctantly opens his eyes to gaze at the man kneeling before him. As their eyes meet, a smug smirk forms on his pale face and he licks his swollen lips. Spencer is obviously quite pleased with himself for causing Morgan to lose all restraint, something Reid rightly assumes doesn't ever happen. He is too much of gentleman to be rough with a woman. Thankfully, Reid is not a woman. Spencer's brown eyes have darkened noticeably with passion and the bulge in his pants stands out proudly. Derek isn't the only one who has been enjoying himself. Looking at him, all the darker man can think is how satisfied his Pretty Boy looks and how incredibly gorgeous. He wants to strip him naked and take him here and now.

Derek helps him stand, barking out a single word through his hoarse throat "Bedroom." Grabbing Spencer's hand, the naked man quickly pulls him toward the bedroom. Halfway there Derek slams the taller man into a nearby wall and immediately attacks his mouth. Reid gasps and shudders at the force of the other man's passion, thoroughly enjoying the imbalance of power. He hums contently when he feels Morgan's tongue brush against his own. Spencer fervently sucks on his tongue, feeling his love shiver in response. Derek breaks the kiss, trailing his mouth along Reid's long alabaster neck, nipping and soothing. He chuckles hoarsely as Spencer starts babbling nonsensically in what he thinks is Russian. It makes Derek feel a strange bit of satisfaction to make his Pretty Boy feel as overwhelmed with passion as he is. When he reaches his collarbone, Morgan pushes Spencer's shirt aside to gain better access. Derek sucks hard on his skin and Spencer purrs in response. Morgan grins in possessive satisfaction at the purple bruises he makes that mark his lover's pale skin. _*Mine! Mine! Only mine!* _Those marks allowing him to gain his control back, Derek releases the firm hold that is pinning Spencer to the wall. He drags his Pretty Boy the rest of the way into the bedroom.

Once they enter, the younger man merely stands facing Morgan and waits, willing to let the other man take the lead. He knows Derek would feel more comfortable being in control, especially for his first time with another man. The genius is perfectly content to relinquish control. There'll be time for him to take the lead later…he hopes. Grabbing his slim hips, Derek determinedly walks Spencer backwards until the back of his knees hit the bed, pushing him lightly onto the bed. Reid scrambles up, getting comfortable while eying his love. Morgan crawls over the younger man, straddling his hips. He rubs his bare, already hard length against Spencer's cloth covered erection. The genius moans loudly and Morgan growls at the contact. Derek leans forward, his dark lips meeting Reid's. He nibbles on those delectable pink lips, sucking the younger man's plumb bottom lip into his mouth. Spencer sighs and Morgan' tongue darts inside, thoroughly exploring the genius' sweet mouth. Tasting himself and the same sweet, coffee flavor that is his Pretty Boy. Their tongues fight for dominance, with Reid soon relenting, again quite comfortable with allowing Morgan to take control.

Derek runs his hands under the slender man's shirt, briefly caressing the skin underneath. "You've got entirely too many clothes on, Pretty Boy," he murmurs against those pink lips. Spencer smiles, before asking slyly "What are you going to do about that?" Morgan grins, and hastily fumbles the first few buttons of the shirt before losing patience and ripping the rest open, causing Spencer to gasp in surprise. The two men can hear the soft ping of the buttons hitting the hardwood floor. Derek tosses the ruined shirt carelessly behind him. He lets his eyes roam the expanse of Spencer's newly bared chest. The genius has surprisingly sinewy, toned muscles that has been hidden quite effectively under his usual multiple layers of clothing. "Damn, Pretty Boy. How long have you been hiding those muscles under all those sweater vests?!" The younger man chuckles, which soon turns into a whimper as Derek open-mouth kisses his way down that unexpectedly muscled chest to the flat, toned abdomen and back up. He grazes his teeth across Spencer's nipple, causing him to cry out. Derek swirls his tongue around one nipple and then the other. Thoroughly distracted by the older man's mouth, Reid doesn't even notice the man's hands confidently unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. In a matter of seconds, Morgan has slid both the pants and star trek boxers down Reid's legs, tugging off his adorably eccentric mixed matched socks as well.

Derek nudges Spencer's legs apart, so he can kneel between them. The genius' cock is fully erect, leaking pre-cum. Morgan experimentally runs a finger down the length. Reid automatically thrusts his hips forward, trying to prolong the contact. "Oh, Derek, please! Touch me," he pleads, sounding as if he would die if Derek doesn't touch him again. The older man curls his fingers around Spencer. Their eyes meet and hold as he begins slowly sliding his hand up and down. At his first desperate whimper, Reid closes his eyes, shutting everything out but what his body is feeling. The pale man trembles at the pleasure running through his body, gasping and mumbling incoherently, this time in what sounds like a combination of French and Italian. For once, Reid lets his body do the talking, as his brilliant mind is too overloaded with pleasure to speak coherently. Gaining confidence at Reid's intense reaction to his touch, Morgan quickens his pace as the genius' hips begin to rock into his hand. He watches Spencer, whose expressive face flickers from lust and need and want and love, his lean body squirming and bucking. It is pure pleasure to watch every expression cross his face, to know that _he _is the one causing Spencer to look and feel this way. "Mmm! Derek, _please_! I'm so close," Reid cries. Morgan's mouth hovers hotly over Spencer's ear, "Cum for me, Pretty Boy. Let me see what I do to you," his deep, husky voice whispers seductively. That is all it takes to push Spencer over the edge and he screams Derek's name, shooting his load all over his hand. It stands out starkly, like a neon sign, against his dark skin.

The older man smiles down at his new lover. Spencer is limp and glowing, a blissful smile gracing his pretty face. Curious, Derek lifts his hand to his mouth, flicking out his tongue to taste his Pretty Boy's seed. Spencer opens his eyes just as he tastes it. Morgan is surprised, he actually likes the taste. Reid's caramel orbs widen and darken again as he watches his lover eagerly lap up every bit of it off his hand. "Holy Circe!" the genius cries. Looking up from his hand, the older man meets his eyes and grins arrogantly. Morgan can easily see how much that has affected Spencer. The younger man is already semi-hard. "Enjoying the show, Baby?" he asks provocatively. "Do you know how hot that is?" Reid asks before pulling him down on top of him, impatiently melding his lips with Derek's, happily chasing the taste of himself in his love's mouth. Morgan rubs himself against Spencer. The older man enjoys the feel of contrast of their naked bodies, sliding against each other. Derek's compact and heavily muscular form against Spencer's long, lean and lightly muscled one.

Derek is surprised that he doesn't miss the softness of a woman's body against him. Spencer's skin is soft but he has no curves. He is thin and toned with a sprinkling of body hair. Nor does he does he smell like a woman, of flowers or sweetness. He smells of books, leather, and something uniquely him. Morgan loves it all: his Pretty Boy's musk and the feeling of slick, toned muscle sliding against his own.

The heat between them builds rapidly, until they both feel like they'll be consumed by the fire. When the two break apart, they are panting. Resting his forehead against Spencer's, the darker man declares "I need you, Pretty Boy. I need you so badly! I need to be inside you." Reid whimpers loudly in response. "Oh, Derek!I need you! I've waited for you for so long! Fuck me, Derek!" he demands. Hearing those shockingly dirty words come out of Spencer's mouth, Morgan growls with passionate hunger. He wants to be inside of him right now.

He grabs lube and a condom from his nightstand. Spencer's arm shoots out to stop him, "I'm clean. Are you?" At his nod, the genius proclaims "I don't want any barriers between us. I want to feel all of you. I trust you, Derek. I want to feel you cum inside me. I need to feel you fill me up." Derek closes his eyes and shudders, letting out a long, deep groan of pleasure. He wants that too. A brief fantasy flashes in his mind, of Spencer at work wearing a butt plug, his ass filled to the brim with Morgan's seed. He can't _wait_ to fulfill that fantasy.

The older man is glad he's done this with a few more adventurous women before and knows just how to prepare his Pretty Boy to take him. Placing a pillow under Reid's hips, he lubes his fingers, rubbing them together to warm up the cold lube. Morgan kisses Spencer, distracting him by biting softly on his kiss-swollen bottom lip, as his first finger gently circles Reid's entrance before pressing inside. The muscle gives way almost immediately. After a few thrusts, he replaces his finger with two. Spencer keens at the delicious burn, thrusting his hips down, eagerly fucking himself on Derek's fingers. The older man inserts another finger, scissoring his fingers, stretching him further. Reid howls and his back bows off the bed when Morgan's fingers brush his prostrate. The older man teases him, ghosting his fingers over that sensitive spot several times, with those barely there touches slowly driving Spencer mad. Derek removes his fingers, feeling smug when he hears his lover mewl softly at the loss. Quickly lubing his length, he grasps Pretty Boy's hips and feels Spencer's hand guiding him to his entrance. The two men groan loudly when Derek slowly sinks all the way inside. "Pretty Boy, you are so fucking tight! So beautiful, so perfect!" Spencer wraps his long legs around Morgan's strong hips, holding him close. Reid is silent but a look of pure bliss is upon his face at being filled by his love. Morgan pauses, absorbing the feeling of completion he experiences being inside of Spencer.

At Reid's nod, Derek gradually pulls out almost all the way before thrusting back in. He sets a slow, deliberate rhythm. Moaning at the feeling of the man he loves inside of him, Spencer sucks hard on Morgan's shoulder, leaving his own distinctive bruise, marking him even if he's the only one who will see it. Derek purrs, placing soft bites and licks on Reid's beautiful, pale neck. His stubble rubs the delicate pale skin red. Morgan's hips continue to rock into Spencer, who rolls his hips into every thrust. When the younger man can't take the slow pace anymore and he desperately demands "Harder! Faster!" Adjusting the angle, Morgan slams roughly into Reid, finding the bundle of nerves inside him. Spencer keens as he hits that spot over and over, his relentless thrusts so powerful the headboard repeatedly hits the wall. "DEREK!" Reid screams as he comes all over their bellies. The clenching of Spencer's inner muscles around Morgan is too much for him. With a roar, he empties himself deep inside his lover. Exhausted, Derek collapses on top of Spencer, crushing the slender man into the bed.

A few minutes later, Morgan finds the energy to move off him and gently pulling out. Lying on his side, he pulls Reid to him and throws an arm snugly around the other man. "I love you, Spencer," Morgan declares tiredly into the genius' ear. Reid pries open his heavy eyes and mumbles "Love you, too." The two quickly fall asleep, bodies intertwined.

* * *

I am also on AO3 under the same username.


	10. Feel the Love

I drew some inspiration on parts of this chapter from PinkHimeLacus' story "Wanna be your victim, Ready for abduction" on Great story!

There is a very short shower sex scene in this.

* * *

The following morning, Derek is the first to wake. His body is still curled around his Pretty Boy, arm holding the slightly taller man securely against his chest. His morning erection slotting between Spencer's plumb cheeks as if it belongs there. Morgan is genuinely surprised at how comfortable he feels. He is naked, pressed firmly against another naked man, with whom he had mind-blowing sex last night. Derek expects to feel at least a little uncomfortable; he's never been with a man before, never even considered it before yesterday. Morgan should be having a big, gay freak out right about now. Yet, his arms around Spencer…it feels so natural, perfect even. He doesn't feel uncomfortable or awkward, he just feels happy, deliriously happy. Derek has never been this happy in his whole life. Being with his Pretty Boy feels _right_, like they are made for each other. How can he freak out about something that makes him feel so _good_?

Morgan can feel his heart bursting with joy and warmth and love, watching Spencer sleeping. He realizes what his mama said is true. He has found someone who loves _him_; not just his gorgeous exterior or his muscles or his charm but _him_ and all his flaws. Spencer knows him better than anyone else. His Pretty Boy sees behind his carefree mask and sees _him_, the somewhat flawed, jaded, fearful, repressed guy underneath. He _knows_ Derek is emotionally scarred: from his father's death, from Carl Buford, from the job, from life. Spencer _knows_ that Morgan can be emotionally repressed, all too often hiding behind his charming façade, _knows_ that he is usually more likely to pretend everything is fine than to talk about or deal with his problems. He _knows_ Derek has avoided relationships in the past, never before taking the chance of risking his heart. Spencer _knows_ all the broken and damaged parts of him, and loves him anyway. For the first time in his life, Derek doesn't want to hide. He wants to let his emotions free and be open with another person. He trusts Reid enough to be able to face all his greatest fears. He feels free. Spencer has loved him for years with no expectation of receiving anything in return. How can he not be humbled by that?

Morgan is in awe to be so lucky. He studies Spencer, the man he _loves_, the man who is too good for him and doesn't even realize it. He knows that some people would look at him and Spencer and think it's the other way around, that Reid is the one who doesn't deserve him. But Derek knows better and feels incredibly blessed that his Pretty Boy chose _him_. He is happy that Spencer finally cracked and confessed his love. Without that, Morgan would have continued on, his cocky façade unaware of all he is missing out on. He would still be oblivious of the treasure, _the gift_, of being with Spencer, of loving completely and truly being loved fully in at his uncharacteristic sappiness, he presses closer to the sleeping man. His nose nuzzled against the pale skin of Spencer's nape. Giving out a contented sigh, which he would deny ever left his lips, Derek breathes in Spencer's scent.

He wants to do this for the rest of their lives. To wake up slotted against the man he loves and bask in happiness and love. Because Morgan isn't too stupid or too oblivious to realize that Spencer is it for him. There will be no one else that loves him more or fits as perfectly into his life as his Pretty Boy. They've been together one night and Derek practically hears wedding bells. It is completely ridiculous and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Soon enough, the pale man's eyes flutter open, following the dark skinned arm around him to its gorgeous owner. Putting a little space between their bodies, he twists slightly to gaze uncertainly behind him at Derek, unsure how his new lover will to react after what happened the night before and the position they are in right now. Spencer's insecurities making him doubt that the other man meant everything he said and did last night. He's hoping that Derek isn't regretting what they had done, regretting being with _him_.

Morgan stares intently into those beautiful uncertain eyes as he deliberately leans forward to give the other man a brief but passionate kiss. "Morning, Pretty Boy," he says, smiling. It is exactly the reaction Reid had been too fearful to hope for. Flipping his body around to fully face him, pressing an answering kiss back, Spencer instantly brightens, beaming happily. The doubt is gone from his eyes as he chirps happily, "Good morning!" It is as if the sun burst forth on a cloudy day, he _glows _with pure joy.

Derek grins at how happy his Pretty Boy looks, especially considering he hasn't even had his morning coffee yet. And Reid without his morning coffee is usually a very scary sight, having seen it a time or two. But Spencer looks like a kid that got exactly what he wanted on Christmas. He looks the happiest that Derek has ever seen him. Morgan can't help but burst with pride that _he_ has made him that happy, because he feels the same. Never before has Derek felt this content and that's all because of his Pretty Boy. Who would have thought a skinny, white, eccentric, nerdy kid genius is all what he really needs to be truly happy?

Suddenly, a brown and white blur jumps onto the bed, breaking the moment. He puts his happy, wiggly body between the two men, licking their faces. "Good morning to you, too, Clooney," Morgan says dryly. The dog clearly loves seeing his two favorite people happy again.

Noticing the dried semen on their bodies, Morgan wrinkles his nose, proposing "Shower?" Leaving the dog behind, the genius quickly follows him into the bathroom. Derek grabs his body wash and starts lathering up every inch of Spencer's body. Once he's clean, Reid returns the favor.

After they both are clean, the genius gets a delightfully devious expression on his face. Crowding close to Morgan, his long fingers grip their cocks together. "Oh, yeah, Spencer!" Closing his eyes, Reid sets a leisurely pace, stroking firmly up and down their lengths. Soon, Derek begins thrusting into Reid's hand. Spencer quickens the pace, mewling at the enticing friction. It doesn't take much for the two men cry out each other's names. The rapidly cooling water washes them clean again.

After drying off, Spencer searches the bedroom for his clothes: bending down to find his red and white striped sock under the bed, his boxers on top of a lamp, his shirt somehow under the dresser, his pants behind the nightstand, and his purple sock hanging out of Clooney's smiling mouth.

Morgan simply enjoys the show, marveling how uninhibited Reid is. The genius is seemingly oblivious that he's completely naked while he searches. And for a guy who is as easily flustered as Spencer is, his utter lack of shyness being nude in front of him is quite astonishing. He's a mix of contradictions. Once Reid finds everything, he turns around to see Morgan hasn't moved from the bathroom doorway. He asks, confused "Derek? Shouldn't you be getting dressed?"

The dark skinned man smirks, "Sorry, Pretty Boy. I got distracted. Do you have any idea what watching you unselfconsciously wave your tight naked ass around does to me?" Derek is in awe of Spencer's perfect ass. How had he never noticed its perfection? Despite his slender frame, the globes are round and just begging to be squeezed. Morgan has to fight the urge to throw Reid onto the bed and get a taste, to take a bite out of those sinfully, luscious cheeks. _*Later. Definitely.*_

Spencer looks down at Derek's awakening cock, "I think I can guess," he replies slyly. "Unfortunately, we don't have time to deal with _that_ right now. Get dressed! We still have to stop by my apartment before work."

Reid looks at his shirt, tattered with most of the buttons are torn off. "You owe me a new shirt." Derek gives one of his lady killer grins, replying seductively "Maybe you shouldn't wear clothing that takes so long to get off." Spencer briefly leers back, before looking at his shirt again. "Derek, what am I supposed to wear?" He points at the mangled shirt, "I can't wear this."

A smirk flashes on the older man's face as he imagines Reid walking outside without a shirt, his pale skin glowing in the sunlight, the vivid purple bruises Derek made visible for anyone to see. There's that possessiveness again. He's never been possessive with anyone before. However it's quite apparent from the deep satisfaction he feels at imagining others seeing _his_ marks on Spencer that Derek is very possessive of his new lover. Maybe it's because he's in love for the first time and it's his best friend, who already meant so much to him before they were together. All he knows is that he has absolutely no desire to share, _ever_. Derek has to fight the irrational urge to declare to everyone that Spencer is _his_ and his alone. To run down the street, yelling it at everyone like a crazy person. Morgan has a feeling his possessiveness of Spencer isn't going to go away anytime soon.

The older man is brought back from his thoughts when Reid whines "No, I am _not_ going outside without a shirt on!" Derek laughs as Spencer stamps his feet a little in frustration, wondering _*He can stand here arguing with me with absolutely nothing on but can't go outside without a shirt? Not that I'm complaining…*_ "Okay Pretty Boy. I'll give you a shirt." His possessive side jumps in glee to have his lover wearing something of his.

Reid tugs on pants, balling up his sticky boxers, before taking the black sweater Derek offers. The sweater that usually melds to Morgan's body like a second skin is loose on Spencer, and too short for his longer torso. A wide strip of pale skin peaks out whenever he moves. The contrast of the dark fabric and the exposed pale skin entices Derek, who is fervently wishing they didn't have to go to work today. The younger man tries to inconspicuously sniff the sweater. Morgan catches the movement in the corner of his eye, abruptly turning to watch Spencer intently, whose nose is buried against the soft fabric. When Reid realizes that Derek is staring at him, his face immediately flushes at being caught. Morgan raises an eyebrow in question, Spencer huffs, answering with exasperation, "It smells like you."

Amused the dark skinned man asks, "You think I smell good?"

Reid gapes at him like he's an idiot, "You smell delicious and you very well know that. Derek, you have no idea how much your smell drives me insane. Half the time I ramble is because I have to distract myself from wanting to devour you to see if you taste as good as you smell. Why do you think I avoid taking the elevator with you or riding in a car with you?"

Morgan's face is smug, looking down Spencer's own growing arousal, "Are you _sure_ we don't have time?"

Reid rolls his eyes, "Don't you think if we had time I would be jumping on you right now?! Get dressed!" Spencer quickly dons the rest of his clothing.

Morgan sighs, a pout on his face, fighting the urge to kick something in frustration like a little boy who isn't getting what he wants, before grudgingly getting dressed. _*Stupid work, ruining all my fun.* _

Reid feeds Clooney, letting him out afterward. Then, the two eat a quick breakfast. "You ready, Babe?"

Reid suddenly starts shifting from foot to foot uncertainly. His insecurities seem to have risen again.

"What's up, Pretty Boy?" Morgan asks.

"Um…well…was this? Are we? I mean, uh…" Spencer stutters. At Derek's questioning look, Reid shyly asks "What are we? This wasn't….um…a one-time thing, was it? Or like a…uh…friends with benefits? Or are we…um…together? Like in a real relationship?"

Morgan barks out a laugh. *_Friends with benefits? That is something I never thought I'd hear come out of Spencer's mouth.*_

Spencer cringes.

"No! No! Pretty Boy, I wasn't laughing at the thought of us being together. I was laughing because after last night and this morning I thought it is fairly obvious that we're together. This definitely isn't a one-time thing. You are _mine_, and I am yours. For always. I have never been more serious. I meant what I said. I love you, Spencer."

Spencer beams, "I love you too!" He pauses briefly, hesitating and stammering "Um…"

"Pretty Boy, what else is going on in that giant brain of yours?"

"Are we? Uh…a secret? I mean…are we telling the team?"

"Oh. Well…I want to tell the team eventually. But do you think we could keep this between us, just for a little while? Is that okay, Sweetheart?"

Spencer happily agrees, able to see that Morgan isn't ashamed of him or them but simply wants to savor their brand new relationship before sharing it with the others. "So…sweetheart?" he asks shyly.

Derek smiles before hugging the man close. He loves how Spencer can be confident one moment and shy and uncertain the next. He's full of inconsistencies. It is so adorably cute. "Yeah, you are _my_ sweetheart, _my _baby, _my_ incredibly sexy Pretty Boy. No one else's. There is no way I'm ever letting you go now that I've found you. You are _mine_. You better get used to it."

Spencer has never understood those types of endearments before but feels a warm glow at the names, enjoying the obvious possessiveness behind them. It makes him feel cherished like he never has before. Derek wants _him_ and has no desire to share him. Reid is completely okay with that because he doesn't want to share Morgan either. For once in his life Spencer is not the one rejected or left out, Derek _chose _to love him, chose _him_. Spencer is getting the one thing he has always wanted, to belong. To have someone want him and only him, to belong to someone not because they want to use him or trick him but because Derek _loves _him. Spencer feels like he is being wrapped completely in blanket of love, it is so warm and feels so good. He is protected, loved and safe in Derek's arms. It is all he has ever hoped for but never believed he would ever have.


	11. Penelope is a Fangirl

Forty minutes later, Derek and Spencer walk into work together, both with deliriously happy grins. JJ, Prentiss, Rossi, Garcia, and Hotch stare, frozen in shock at the men. Aaron had filled them in about the phone call he received last night. The group had been talking about Reid and wondering if he would come to work today or would avoid them until his transfer. They can't help but gawk at the two men. Seeing Reid at all is enough of a shock but to see him so _happy_ is dumbfounding.

The pair is behaving remarkably different than the last time the team saw them together. The tense and moody Reid is gone, replaced by a remarkably relaxed and blissful one. In fact, he appears happier than any of them have ever seen him before. And he isn't the only one. Morgan has changed, too. He no longer looks overcome by worry, concern, frustration, and desperation. Instead, he looks confident again and quite content. Yet, even Derek's happiness is clearly different than it usually is. It appears much more genuine, as if it's not just a front but true joy. And the comfortable companionship they used to have is evident between them once again, for the first time in a long time, and it is stronger than ever.

They all can see something significant happened after Reid's phone call to Hotch. They don't know what but something that made both men very happy. Somehow, Morgan solved Reid's problem.

JJ is the most surprised to see the change. Her blue eyes widen and her mouth hangs open. She instantly knows that there is only one way Spence would look so happy. And Jennifer is understandably astonished. Despite her urging Spencer to tell Morgan his feelings, JJ had not had high hopes that he would return the genius' feelings. But she was wrong and she's never been happier to be wrong.

Once he overcomes his shock, Hotch asks "Reid? My office?" Aaron had not expected Spencer to come to work this morning. He fully anticipated that he would be greeted by a depressed Morgan, who tried but failed to convince the genius to stay. Seeing Reid at all is a bit of a blow but witnessing both Spencer and Derek behaving extraordinarily happy staggers Aaron.

The genius willingly follows him into his office.

Hotch asks a little uncertainly, "So, I take it whatever was wrong, it has worked out? Successfully?"

Reid smiles, "Yes." It is one of the first truly genuine smiles Aaron has seen from the younger man in far too long.

"No more talk about leaving then, right?" Aaron is genuinely amazed that Morgan not only convinced Spencer to stay but somehow made him happier than ever before as well. While he is as curious as the rest of the team, he merely smiles. Hotch is glad to see his friend happy again, whatever the reason. After all he has gone through, no one deserves that more than Reid.

"Absolutely, I am not leaving," Reid responds, positively glowing with joy. Shifting slightly, he asks "Um…Hotch?"

"Yes, Reid?"

"You had no intention of signing off on a transfer today, did you?"

Aaron remains silent, staring emotionlessly at him but it is easy enough for Reid to see his speculation is correct.

"You called Morgan, didn't you? After I talked to you? You got Garcia to trace my phone and told him where I was. To try to convince me to stay."

Unsurprised that Reid had figured it out, Aaron answers truthfully "Yes." _*And it worked, apparently.*_

"_Thank you_. He was the only one who could have made me stay," Spencer replies with great feeling.

_*Only Morgan could make him stay? Why only him? I wonder what Morgan said or did to make him stay?* _Despite his questions, Hotch doesn't push, realizing sooner or later Spencer will tell the team. He willingly shuts down his profile brain. He wants Spencer to be able to reveal his secret in his own time. Aaron is simply relieved that Reid is happy again and staying with them that he would do practically anything to keep him that way, even if it means fighting against his profiler brain.

**CMCMCMCMCMCM**

Meanwhile…

"So, what's going on, Morgan?" Prentiss asks. "You obviously found Reid and finally got him to talk to you. From the huge smile on his face, you must have found a solution to his problem and convinced him to stay." Derek wonders what he should tell them. He had given no thought to what to tell the others, he had been totally focused on Spencer and their new relationship. His eyes wander around the room before meeting JJ's. Her blue eyes are still wide with shock and full of awareness. Staring into her eyes, Morgan can see she **_knows_**. *_Pretty Boy must have told her the truth that day, told her that he is in love with me. She knows the only way he'd be back this happy was if I felt the same.*_ After flashing her one of his lady-killer grins, Derek looks at the rest of the team. "Reid did tell me what was bothering him. And we figured it out. He isn't going to leave. He _is_ staying with the team." Rossi, Garcia, and Prentiss all look vastly relieved. "But what was wrong? What was going on?" a puzzled Emily asks. "I can't tell you right now," Derek says before giving another dazzling smile, "But you will all know soon enough." Remembering the happiness of Reid's face, Prentiss and Rossi drop it without comment. The two profilers make the same vow as Hotch: to not profile Spencer in order to find out his secret. Their youngest member deserves to be able to reveal it to them in his own time. Judging by Spencer's happiness, sooner or later he'll want to share it with them. Garcia, on the other hand, has no plans of simply waiting for Reid or Morgan to tell her what is going on. She is not giving her chocolate love muffin any option but to tell her all he knows.

**CMCMCMCMCMCM**

Later that day…

Jennifer Jareau leads Reid into a deserted section of the building. "So…Spence? What?" JJ asks uncertainly, with an eye on the door to ensure they aren't overheard.

A hesitant smile graces the genius' face. "Um…"

The blonde can only gaze at him incomprehensively, so astonished by what she _knows_ must have happened. It's so unbelievable that it feels like her brain is frozen.

"Uh…well…it seems I was right…and wrong."

JJ stares at him, even more confused.

Reid stammers softly "Derek is not attracted to men."

His words only make her more perplexed, bewilderment written clearly on her face.

"But evidently he is attracted to me." _*Quite attracted.*_

"Oh. Oh! Really?!" The confusion in her face fades and a happy light begins to shine in her blue eyes.

"Yeah…"

"Is that how he responded when you told him you loved him? Did he admit he had feelings for you?"

"N—No. He was pretty shocked. I kind of just…ran off? After I screamed I was in love with him," Spencer reluctantly admits.

"You screamed it at him?" she asks in disbelief.

"Um, yeah? Kind of defiantly actually…" Reid says awkwardly, shifting with embarrassment.

JJ tries to imagine that and simply can't. "So…how?"

"I ran aimlessly for awhile. When I got it together enough I called Hotch and asked for a transfer."

"Wait? Does Hotch know?"

"No. I didn't tell him. I was pretty upset and he didn't push. He didn't ask this morning, either." Reid pauses before continuing "It wasn't long after that that Derek found me. I figured out this morning that Hotch had Garcia track my phone and had told him where I was. I didn't want to talk to him. I figured he'd be grateful to avoid discussing it, since he tends to do that with his personal problems. He _wasn't_. Morgan was…irate. I have never seen him so close to losing control because of _me_, his hands and jaw clenching and unclenching furiously. He didn't give me a choice but to get in his truck, whether I wanted to or not. I think if I hadn't complied he wouldn't have hesitated to force me into it."

Jennifer watches the emotions flutter across Spence's expressive face as he remembers.

"When we got to his house, I was surprised that he seemed most upset that I ran away, that I didn't give him time to react than that I had feelings for him. He didn't punch me or yell at me for being attracted to him. He wasn't offended, didn't even seem uncomfortable with knowing I had feelings for him. It was…surprising." An expression of wonder upon his face at the memory, "When I hinted that I felt I wasn't good enough for him, Derek…he _kissed_ me. I couldn't believe it. He talked to his mom about me, about what I said. Told me she _knew, _knew that I had feelings for him. Said his mom told him he had feelings for me too. And he said me he was attracted to _me_, that I was _special_. I don't know exactly what his mom said to him, I don't know if she convinced him he had feelings for me or if she just opened his eyes. But he told me he loves me. Derek…_he_ _loves me_! Me, Jayje!" His voice is filled with amazement, wonder, and bubbling happiness. The tall brunette has tears of joy and disbelief shining in his caramel brown eyes. "All I know is that I owe Derek's mom more than I can ever repay. Because of her _I get a chance_. I never thought I would ever have one. I don't know if I would have had one if I hadn't run away, if she hadn't talked to him. A chance is more than I ever hoped for."

"Oh, Spence! I am so happy for you!" The blonde hugs him tightly and for once there is no trace of awkwardness. Reid's happiness seems to overshadow his unease with intimate touching. Being this close to him, JJ can smell him and immediately realizes he doesn't smell like he usually does, the scent is a bolder, very masculine one she recognizes as Morgan's. "Spencer, you smell like him. You smell like Morgan. Did you use his soap or something? Why do you smell like his soap?"

"Uh…" A bashful smile flashes on his face.

"Did you shower at his house before you went home last night?"

"I-I…" Reid stutters.

"You _did_ go home last night, right?"

"N—No?"

Again, JJ's brows rise in surprise. "Where did you sleep last night, Spence?" she asks, wanting to know what happened after they admitted their feelings for each other.

"Um—Er—I stayed at Derek's," he confesses.

"On the couch?"

Reid flushes, "N—No, I slept with Derek…um…in his bed?" The genius keeps answering timidly, each response sounding more and more like a question than an answer.

"You slept with him or you _slept_ with him?"

Spencer fidgets nervously, "Both?" his voice sounding uncertain.

"Spence! Did you and Derek have sex last night?!"

Reid avoids her probing eyes, saying "Maybe...?" That's all the answer she needs and JJ is staggered once again. "Okay. Wow. I definitely wasn't expecting that!" She never imagined that Morgan could go from never being with a man to practically jumping into bed with one. But then they have known each other for eight years, so it isn't like he jumped into bed with a stranger. And judging from Derek's cheerfulness this morning, his first gay sexual experience did nothing to scare him away. "So…you smell like Morgan's soap because you showered at his house?"

"Yes." It is the first time he answers with certainty.

JJ has a sneaking suspicion of the answer but asks anyway "Alone?"

The silence lengthens.

"Spence?"

"We were conserving water?"

JJ starts giggling in disbelief, that retort is something she never thought she'd hear coming out of his mouth. She can't help asking "So…how is Derek in bed?"

A quick, smug grin flashes on Reid's face, one JJ has never seen before, and he answers mysteriously, "He's definitely worth having to wait five years."

**CMCMCMCMCMCM**

While JJ is with Reid, Garcia finds Morgan, dragging him into her lair. "Spill it!" the eccentric blonde demands. Derek assesses his best friend carefully and he can see she's not giving up until he tells her everything. Despite what he told Spencer this morning, he finds he actually doesn't want to wait to tell her. It seems right that the two people they are closest to on the team should know first. Derek has a feeling Penelope will be their number one supporter, followed closely by JJ. She's always had a soft spot for the two of them, as her frequent nicknames for both of them are a great indication of. Sighing dramatically, Morgan makes a show of relenting. "Okay, mama. I'll tell you. _But_ you can't talk to anyone about this, except JJ!"

Penelope nods excitedly, "I promise! Jayje already knows? You told her?!"

"Yeah, she knows. And no, I didn't tell her. She guessed."

Garcia wonders what she is missing, what clue she overlooked that made JJ figure it out.

Morgan can see her mind working to solve the puzzle. Taking pity on her, he says "Remember, Reid already told JJ what was bothering him."

"Oh. So what was it? What was wrong with our little boy genius?"

Derek flashes a sexy smile before declaring, "He's in love."

"Boy Wonder! He's in love! With who?!"

An even bigger grin graces his face, "Guess."

Garcia looks perplexed for a second before it dawns on her. Why else would Reid be so miserable if he was in love, unless it was with someone he thought he could never have, especially if it is someone he has to work with everyday? She is well aware that Reid had threatened to leave the BAU, so it had to be someone on the team or at least at Quantico. JJ is quickly out of the running. The two are close but it doesn't take a profiler to see that they are strictly friends and nothing more. JJ and Reid are much like her and Derek in that, despite all the flirting they do. Plus, JJ already knew who he was in love with when he left. Penelope knows it has to be someone on the team and racks her brain for someone that Reid is close to, has chemistry with. Someone he would have a lot to lose if those feelings came out and that person didn't feel the same. Then, the blonde squeals. "OH MY GOD! YOU! Reid's in love with _YOU_!" She can't believe she didn't realize it sooner. It seems so obvious to her now, especially with what she learned from Spencer's phone call with his friend, Josh. If she'd been thinking at all, she would have known immediately that it had to be Derek, otherwise how could Morgan have fixed the problem?

Morgan chuckles at how giddy she is.

"Wait!" She suddenly stops jumping up and down. "Wait! Junior G-Man would only be this happy if… You love him too, don't you?!"

Derek raises his eyes to the ceiling, remembering all that happened between yesterday and now. A tender smile on his face, he answers "Yeah, I do. I love him, even if it took a jolt to my thick head to figure that out."

Garcia squeals again. "Oh! My two favorite men are together! And happy!" She breaks off; her face is suddenly suspicious, eyes squinting behind her brightly colored frames. "Wait…you two are _too_ happy. OMG! You guys had _SEX_!"

Morgan can't help but groan. "Baby girl, a little louder, I don't think everybody heard you!"

"It's true, isn't it?!"

"My lips are sealed."

"Since when have your lips ever been sealed, my love?"

"Since now. Spencer…_no one_ has ever made me feel the way he does. And we've only been together one night. He's it for me and I am not afraid to admit it."

"Aww…Look at our resident lady killer turn into a mushy, romantic by our resident genius!"

Derek looks a little sheepish, but no less happy.

"I want details!"

"I don't think my Pretty Boy would appreciate that."

"Your Pretty Boy?"

"Yes, _my _Pretty Boy," Derek answers emphatically, possessively, "And I'm not saying another word."

"Ooo…that means something _did_ happen! How's our Boy Wonder or should I say _your _Boy Wonder in bed?" Penelope asks slyly. When he doesn't answer, she pleads "Please, please, please! Give me something, _anything_!" Her mind is going crazy with the thoughts of those two sexy men together. Penelope is going to have to start a file just for all her secretive fantasies of all the naughty, sinful things the pair will do together. _*Oh. The stories I could write about them!*_ her inner fangirl squeals.

Derek smiles at how desperate and pathetic she sounds. "Fine, I'll tell you one thing. But that's it!"

Penelope enthusiastically bobs her head up and down.

"It was the best sex I've ever had."

"I _knew_ it! I knew there was a sex god hidden underneath all that social awkwardness!"

Morgan gives her a smug smirk, remembering how very right she is about that.

That's when Reid walks in, "We have a ca—." He stops abruptly; looking from Morgan, who is staring at him like a starving man and he's a big, juicy burger to Garcia, who is beaming like an obsessed fangirl whose fantasies just came true. "Um…I take it, you told her?"

Before Morgan can answer, Penelope squeals yet again, practically prancing with happiness. "Junior G-Man and my Chocolate Adonis, together, can it get any sexier than that?" Turning her eyes to address Derek, "Oh. And to make it up to me for withholding details, I expect a sex tape!"

Spencer's eyes widen, his brain frozen with shock. Derek puts his arm around him, leading him out of the door. "I don't think that's going to happen, Mama. But nice try!"


	12. Surprises Abound

A month later…

Morgan and Reid arrive to work early. The two want to catch Hotchner before Prentiss and Rossi arrive. Aaron is a bit surprised to see them walk in together. Not that the pair walking in together is a rare occurrence, it seems to happen quite frequently lately. It's the time that is suspect. While this is not completely unheard for Spencer, it is extremely unusual for Derek to be this early. He has never been known to be early to anything, _ever. _As they approach him, Hotch nods to Reid before addressing the other man "Morgan, this is a surprise."

Derek agrees, "Yeah, we wanted to speak to you before the others arrived."

Hotch wonders what this could be about but his expression remains carefully blank. Scanning their faces doesn't give him any clues to what this is about. "My office?"

The two younger men follow their boss. Once everyone is seated, Aaron asks "What is it you two wished to discuss?"

Spencer and Derek's eyes meet briefly. Despite both being confident they'll have Aaron's full support, they can't help but be a little nervous. A message quickly flashes between them that Hotch cannot interpret. A moment later, the younger man begins "It's been a month since I…lost my temper and took a few days off. I—_we_ are ready to tell you about what had been bothering me."

Hotch wonders why Spencer is including Morgan in what had been troubling him, why it needed to be kept secret until they _both_ were ready to talk.

Reid takes a deep breath, stating "The problem was that I was in love with someone I thought I couldn't have."

A bewildered expression appears on Aaron's face. It definitely isn't what he expected Reid to say, not that he really had an idea what he would say but he knows it isn't _that_.

"And that's was what was bothering me. After keeping my feelings secret for a very long time, I could no longer take seeing that person every day. But I felt I couldn't confess my feelings to that person either." Spencer reaches his left hand toward Morgan, carefully, _deliberately_ lacing their fingers together. "Derek is that person."

Hotch's eyebrows lift in amazement, trying to wrap his head around the fact that Reid is in love with Morgan, and judging from their intimately and very comfortably clasped hands Derek must feel something for the younger man as well. The more Aaron considers it, the more he realizes that he should have seen the signs sooner, even before Reid's little meltdown. He's a profiler for God's sake, _how could_ _he have missed the signs_? Morgan and Reid have always been close, having a tight bond that has always had an indescribable element to it that makes it entirely unique to the two men. All the teasing and touching could definitely have been carefully disguised flirting. Aaron's mind first flashes back to Spencer's adamant, fervent refusal to talk to Morgan about what was going on and his choosing to tell JJ instead. Then, he remembers the conversation he had had with Reid when he first came back. His emphatic thank you because Aaron had called Morgan, his vow that Derek was the only person who could have gotten Reid to stay finally makes sense.

Derek speaks up, "We're together, Spencer and I. We're been together since the night you called me and asked me to convince him to stay. We both know it is against policy but our relationship will not affect our work. If we can hide it from three profilers on our own team, I think we can hide it from the rest of the FBI if we have to."

Now he understands why they waited, why they both had to be involved and ready to reveal the truth. The pair needed some time to work out their relationship, and its seriousness before speaking to him. Aaron imagines that Derek is the one that wanted to wait, for he would probably need time to adjust to not only being in a relationship but being with a man, with _Reid._

Hotch isn't wrong. Morgan is the one who wanted to wait but not for the reasons he thinks. He had had no doubts about the seriousness of their relationship. Instead, he wanted to wait because he wanted time to cherish their relationship before sharing it with everyone. Both Spencer and Derek thoroughly enjoyed the month filled with secret smiles and touches, and the deepening of their relationship. The secrecy created almost a protective bubble around them, allowing their bond to intensify.

Aaron asks, "Three?"

"JJ and Garcia already know. They've known since that first day I came back," Spencer says.

"Jayje guessed, and I told Garcia," Morgan finishes.

"Prentiss and Rossi don't know?"

"No," the two men reply. Morgan smirks, "But we have an interesting plan to tell them…" Reid has his own secretive, devious expression upon his face.

Hotch's eyes are narrowed in thought. "A few questions." The couple is serious again and nod their assent. He continues "Morgan, are you serious about this? You're not…taking advantage of Reid's feelings?" Although he doesn't say it, both men hear the unspoken message behind the question: are you using Reid's feelings to get sex? Aaron has to ask, their youngest member is like a brother to him and he wants to ensure that Morgan isn't taking advantage of him.

Derek, while vaguely offended that he could ever be that cruel especially to Spencer, answers with a very openly honest expression, declaring "I love him, Hotch. I would never, _could never_ lie about that or take advantage of him."

"Good. Good." It is a relief to hear that, to hear Derek's sincerity. "So this relationship is…serious?" Aaron knows as well as any of them that Morgan has never done serious before and has been…promiscuous, to say the least, in the past.

Reid proclaims, "We realize the risk we are taking. We could be separated or lose our careers because of this relationship. You know how much this job means to me. Derek means more, if I had to choose between him and my career, I'd choose him without hesitation."

"I'd do the same. It took me eight years to realize what my Pretty Boy means to me, and I've spent a lifetime searching for someone like him. Spencer means _everything _to me. I'm not giving that up, not giving _him _up for _anything_. This job included," Morgan vows fervently. His love-filled eyes tenderly meet Spencer's and he brings their joined hands to his lips.

Aaron can see how genuine and significant their feelings for each other are by that one look alone. "The two of you are happy?"

With beaming smiles, the two men confidently reply "Yes." And it's true. The last month has been the happiest of either of their lives. Despite the abruptness of the start of their relationship, their love has remained strong, solid, and constant. Morgan never had a big, gay freak out as Reid had expected him to. Derek had been a bit surprised by that himself. But Spencer always makes him feel good, feel loved. Spencer is the best gift he has ever been given, so Derek has never had a reason to freak-out. Morgan has never once felt any doubt about loving Spencer.

"Good. I am happy for you both." Hotch's lips tilt up in a genuine smile. "I will start documenting your work, since the beginning of your relationship. If there ever comes a time when your relationship comes out, I will have documentation to show that it does not negatively affect your working relationship. And since you've been together, what a month now?" At their nods, he continues "In the last month, if nothing else I would say you work together better and are more productive than ever before. Don't worry, I have your backs. The team will support and fight for you both, always. We won't let Strauss break up the team because of this. Congratulations."

The three men smile at each other. "Oh, and guys? I have a feeling Garcia is going to be recording this 'plan' of yours for Rossi and Prentiss. I want to see it."

Morgan laughs and Reid giggles. "Sure thing, Hotch. I'll have Baby Girl set you up, so you can watch it live."

**CMCMCMCMCMCM**

Later that day…

A text is sent to both Dave Rossi's and Emily Prentiss' phone, informing them that a special treat has been left in the break room for the BAU team. They are both hoping for some delicious bakery items from Garcia's kitchen. Penelope makes cookies, pastries, and brownies to die for. There have been literal brawls over the last of her sweets, including a very memorable one between Hotch and Morgan (surprisingly Hotch won).

Shortly after, Rossi excitedly walks in to find not sweets but Reid sitting up on the counter with his long legs spread wide to allow Morgan close. Spencer's hands are inside of the back of Derek's tight pants, noticeably cupping and caressing his ass. The older man's hands are underneath the genius' shirt, stroking the bare skin of his back. Derek is kissing him with intense, blatant passion, not so much as an inch of space between their bodies. This is definitely _not _their first kiss. There is a blatant familiarity behind the passion. Rossi stares in amazement, watching the two men's tongues fight for dominance. Seconds later, Prentiss walks in, seeing Dave first, she wonders what could cause the jaded agent to look so shaken. "Rossi, what?—" following his eyes, she too spots the two men passionately open-mouth kissing and intimately caressing each other's bodies. She can feel her own jaw drop.

After a moment or two, Morgan calmly breaks the kiss and turns his head. He greets the two stunned coworkers nonchalantly, "Oh, hey, Rossi, Prentiss." Dave and Emily look from Morgan's completely relaxed and grinning face to Reid's flushed but smirking face as the younger man hops down from the counter. Rossi replies, "Uh…hello?" Emily cannot even respond. She stares dumbfounded at the two men. Derek gives Spencer one last kiss, briefly sucking on and gently biting the younger man's bottom lip before announcing, "Break's over Pretty Boy," giving him a slap on the ass. It is clear to both of them that this is definitely _not _the first time they've locked lips or touched so intimately. Reid slowly and nonchalantly tucks his shirt back into his pants. Then, he grabs his coffee, calmly taking a sip. Spencer briefly meets two sets of stunned eyes. Rossi and Prentiss see no shame, no insecurity, nothing but a bit of smugness in Spencer's gaze. And that is probably the most shocking thing of all!

The couple calmly walks past the staggered pair. Morgan has a possessive arm around Reid's waist, who has a knowing smile on his face.

The profilers notice how comfortable the usually jittery genius is with Morgan intimately touching him, and how unselfconscious Derek is with touching him, _another man_, and with Spencer touching _him_, despite the audience. The Reid they know can't shake hands with others, much less kiss, _no_ make out with, someone _in public! _The genius had not show an ounce of embarrassment at being caught kissing Morgan. He had exhibited no hesitation, no uneasiness at Derek's kiss or touch. Instead he had been eager, fully participating in the public display. The genius had even looked smug when he met their eyes! Reid, _SMUG!_ And Derek? Both of them are more than a bit astounded that Morgan is so at ease with interacting so intimately with another man. It's not that either of them thought Morgan was homophobic. It is simply hard to deal with assimilating the two contrasting images: Derek the ladies' man they know and Derek the man clearly in a _relationship_ with Spencer. *_How did I miss that? And how long has THAT been going on?*_ Rossi wonders. Prentiss' minds runs *_Reid and MORGAN? Wow, I never saw that coming!*_

Although like Garcia and Hotch, the more the two profilers think about it, the more it makes sense. They wonder how they could have possibly missed it, how they could be so blind, as it seems obvious now. It explains both of their behaviors perfectly over the years. Spencer and Derek have always had a chemistry together that was utterly unique to their relationship. Just something between the two of them that has always been special. The fact that Spencer has allowed all the touching, teasing, and nicknames from Derek but only from him over the years is telling enough without adding that connection they have, that strong and unbreakable bond that everyone has always just taken for granted. The profilers easily see now that Reid's problem had been that he was in love with Morgan but felt no hope for that love being returned. Rossi and Prentiss remember last month when Reid came back with Morgan. They remember the blissful happiness of the pair and suddenly realize that had to be when their relationship started. The pair had hidden it from them for a whole month and they had no clue! Even without consciously profiling Reid, they should have seen something! Some profilers they are!

Several minutes later, Dave and Emily are startled out of their thoughts by the laughing they hear coming from the bullpen. Dragging themselves out of their stupor, they slowly enter the room. Spencer is seated at his desk, with Derek perched on the corner with his arm around the younger man's shoulders. The couple is laughing at something on the computer screen. Astonishingly, JJ, Garcia, and Hotch are standing behind them laughing as well. "This is my favorite part. Just look at her jaw drop!" chuckles Aaron.

Rossi and Prentiss come closer to see what's on the screen. They are horrified to watch multiple views of their bewildered reactions to Morgan and Reid kissing.

"You set us up!" Rossi accuses.

"You recorded that?!" shrieks Emily.

Derek quite amused, replies "Oh, yeah. You didn't think you walked in on us by accident, did you? Baby Girl set up the recording for us."

"Nothing sweeter than shocking two profilers," Reid says proudly.

"Morgan, you've corrupted him already?" asks Rossi.

"Who do you think thought up the plan? It wasn't me," Derek explains.

They all look at Spencer, who looks immensely pleased with himself. "It is scary how much you guys don't know about me. I don't always use my brilliant mind for good," Reid states rather deviously.

Even JJ and Hotch seem a bit stunned by that remark. Garcia smirks. She is well aware that under Reid's innocence lays a cunning and crafty mind. Morgan merely laughs proudly before giving Spencer a quick congratulatory kiss.

* * *

Did you like it? Please, some faves or comments! I'm a new author, I need some love!

I've got two other stories for this 'verse. One is done, ready to be posted…which I'd do faster if I felt some love…hint, hint. The other is currently a oneshot that I might add onto. I plan to add a kid or mpreg story at some point.


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